Blk 1 Good student essays - June Holiday Assignment

Angelyn Choo Tze Hui. (B5)

Write 2 contrasting pieces (between 300-450 words each) describing a sunrise and a sunset over the same place on the same day. In your writing you should try to bring out differences in mood and atmosphere. (June 2007)


That place had something magical, I swear. Even though I had to wake up an hour before sunrise so I could reach my destination on time (using the quickest form of transportation I owned: my bicycle), I was really glad I did. When I finally made it to the abandoned field just a few minutes from my house, the sky was beginning to get light, and the chill of early morning was fading away, as if to hide from the glorious rays of light emerging from dark clouds that were bursting forth unto this small piece of paradise. All darkness departed as the sun rose higher into the sky; I could feel the heat on my skin. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead, arms, back and legs; I began to feel restless. All the silence and calm that protected the night before was being slowly consumed by birds chirping and not long after that, engulfed by honks, screeching of tires, the inevitable humming of car engines and the clanking (and stench) of the garbage truck that just passed by.

Simultaneously, my senses became overwhelmed by all that was going on: the beautiful scenery, the burning sensation on my skin, the intense noises and violent smell that mixed with the morning’s air and caused an electricity of excitement to run through the atmosphere. And suddenly, everything felt vibrant. I could literally feel the new day beginning, a fresh start; all sins from the night before were forgiven, all tears were wiped away. I looked around and saw that the grass held no secrets, the trees kept no hidden thoughts and the sky seized no clandestine hope; everything was in the open. (I wanted to be open as well. Transparent, with nothing holding me back.) Every leaf, every tree and every blade of grass, down to the smallest speck of dust, seemed to embrace the new light, perhaps even as a sort of salutation to the wonder that is the sunrise.


After a few hours, I was back in the field, waiting for the sun to perform her closing act. And without fail, she delivered. The sun’s slow gentle descent into the horizon brought about a familiar chill that surrounded me. I looked around and realized that everything had come to a halt. The clouds gathered in one panoramic view, as if they were wishing the sun a pleasant farewell for the day. All the noises of the harried day seemed to have diminished and a soothing silence reigned over the place. As the sun sank beneath the horizon, the sky mingled hot colors with colds ones; bright orange, fading into dark blue. The soft pinks and pale creamy yellows melted away as the soft darkness brushed across the sky.

A chill ran through my spine as I witnessed this. The sun deserved a standing ovation. The majestic splendor of that moment overtook me and I could not help but let the tears roll down my cheeks. But I was not worried that anyone would see me cry. As the sky turned dark, it felt like a reassurance that all secrets shared within that moment would be locked away safely. The grass and trees were no more in clear view, they were given a silent permission to do as they liked. And so was I. It was the ending of the day for some, yet only the beginning for others. I felt the evening’s cold fingertips brush against my face and decided that it was time to head home. (grade:B)


Mrs Saunders’ comments

Both the sunrise and sunset evoke powerful feelings and a heightened awareness in the narrator. The freshness of the morning fills her with exhilaration and a sense of liberty.

Figurative language to describe the external world of nature (‘the grass held no secrets, the trees kept no hidden thoughts and the sky seized no clandestine hope’) gives us an idea of the internal world of her emotions and thoughts. She felt freedom and joy in sharing all her innermost secrets.

The mood of openness that she experiences at sunrise is finely contrasted with the mood of withdrawal at sunset. The narrator now feels the need to keep her thoughts and feelings private as conveyed in the imagery of ‘locked safely away’. The darkening sky is also an apt metaphor for her state of mind; in the same way the sky at dawn (‘the sky was beginning to get light’) set the atmosphere for her elation that morning.



Rahimah Salaesah Ibrahim (B20)
Write 2 contrasting descriptive pieces (between 300-450 words each) about 2 different times of the day and their effect on a particular place. In describing each time you should create clear contrasts in mood and atmosphere.

The Day
I watched the sun rise high in the sky, smiling down at us; I sat down on the grass, watching people passing by. Nearby flora was blooming, showing their bright attractive colors: purple royal, cerulean, aqua, olive green, sunburst yellow, auburn and fuchsia as if it was an eternal rainbow. The children were at the playground. Most of them were playing hide and seek, others were in the sandbox with their own tools and two girls were seen on the swing. The echoes of their laughter could be heard resonating in the park. Parents were on the side watching the children with blissful smiles on their faces. Suddenly a boy stumbled and started to cry. I stood up and took a step forward but a girl stopped in front of the crying boy and helped him up. They resumed playing after the boy had calmed down and I sat back, assured that everything was fine. At the center of the park, there was the great fountain, symbolizing unity and peace. Its white marble texture and goblet-like structure were enhanced by the gentle flowing of the crystal clear water; it gleamed softly as the golden rays rested on it. There were tourists nearby, each one of them was different yet the important thing was they were having a good time. Birds were seen flying and singing, the squirrels were jumping from tree to tree, bees were buzzing and butterflies flew around the flowers. On the bench, facing the fountain, there was an old woman feeding the pigeons and an old man reading the morning paper right beside her. The gentle wind passed by once in a while, carrying the soft sound of comfort. A small sigh escaped my lips. The day was full of life.

The Night
Sitting down on the bench, facing the fountain, I stare at the dark night. Everything is very different at night. The bright colorful flowers earlier that day are now lifeless and dull as if they have withered and died. The playground is completely empty like an old ghost town, everyone has already gone home and there is not a soul around. The swing squeaks as if there is a child swinging on it yet it is only the wind gently pushing it. The moon is the only source of light that brightens the dark area yet to me it is still dim. The big oak tree stands tall creating an immense shadow, hiding whatever creature or someone lurking beneath it. The fountain emits a faded blue glow, making the surroundings gloomier than ever and the sound of water flowing can be heard more clearly than in the day. Suddenly out of nowhere, a big white owl swoops down and snatches a rat that is feeding nearby the garbage. I follow the owl with my eyes and it lands on the big oak tree branch and swallows its prey whole. I gulped as it stares at me with its big yellow eyes then it flies away leaving me staring at a feather that has fallen and landed on the ground. The sounds of crickets in the night are the only sounds heard other than the sound of the flowing water. The bushes behind me suddenly rattle; it startles me, I turn around and stare at the bush and suddenly a black cat jumps out and sprints away. I blink. I stand up and start to walk; it is time to head back home. The cold wind carries dead leaves and the air feels so dry and so suffocating as it passes by. It is cold and chilly and everything in the night seems mysteriously dead. (grade: C+)



Mrs Saunders’Comments:

Rahimah’s essays show that a simple sentence structure (‘Birds were seen flying and singing, the squirrels were jumping from tree to tree, bees were buzzing and butterflies flew around the flowers’;. ‘Sitting down on the bench, facing the fountain, I stare at the dark night.’ ‘Everything is very different at night.’ ‘The bushes behind me suddenly rattle’) can describe a scene vividly and create atmosphere effectively.

‘The Day’ is written in the past tense, while ‘The Night’ in the present tense. Is there a difference in effect as a result of this? In your view, which tense works better? Why?

The details in ‘The Day’ are concrete (real; can be seen, heard and felt by our 5 senses) but she uses imagery once. Can you spot it?

A striking contrast in atmosphere in the playground has been created in a simple and direct way, in the closing sentence of each piece (‘The day was full of life. ‘/ ‘It is cold and chilly and everything in the night seems mysteriously dead.’)