An extract from Laila’s commentary (Ndume)
(a) Comment on the style and language of the passage.
Mrs Saunders’ comments:
For every line reference , Laila talks about the importance of words, phrases or parts of a sentence ( ie what they mean/how they emphasize the writer’s experience of the gorillas). In other words, every sentence in her answer explains the effect of language in the passage. To do this, Laila uses expressions like 'accentuates', 'paints an image of ...', 'stresses that..', shows that...'
Read the extract of Laila's commentary carefully. The effect (importance) of language is in italics.
Lines 12-13 basically just describe the mood as the writer faces Ndume , “He sat, and I lay” emphasizes the closeness of them and how much they can fit together. The phrase “deep green tangle of luxuriant vegetation” draws a vivid image in the readers’ mind.
Lines 13-14 also accentuates how much the writer and Ndume understand each other that they “shifted our eyes frequently”. There is a silent moment there where they just observing the surrounding and feel the peaceful atmosphere between them.
In line 14 the word “glittered” paints an image of shining, a beautiful shining on the leaves by the rain and this can make the readers to feel the atmosphere. In lines 15 and 16 the short sentence stresses how the surrounding has changed by the changing of Ndume’s mood, “holding his chin in the palm of his hand”. He seemed to be in a “contemplative mood.”
In lines 16-17 the writer is adopting the rule and tries not to break it as it may arouse gorilla’s anger.
In line 18-19, “he moved toward me, smiling vaguely and shifting his gaze in a we;;-bred manner”; this stresses that Ndume is now gaining the trust for the writer and t hat he likes the man but still acting politely with his guest.
In line 20 the writer is describing Ndume’s appearance and she compares Ndume’s muscles to the size of melons. This enables the readers to imagine how Ndume looks like.
The dashes in line 21 shows that the writer is trying to tell the readers of hat she thinks of the “silver hair”.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
Blk 1 Ndume
EAS November 2007, Paper 1
(Passage about a traveller's experience of a gorilla family in Rwanda)
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Blk 1: Enough Already!
Enough Already! 10 artists who should really stop making records
To Blk 1: You will be discussing the language and style of this article in groups next week . Then each group will present their commentary to the class. Please click on the link below to read the article now. The text will be printed and given to you in class next week.
http://music.msn.com/music/photos/enough-already/?photoidx=1
To Blk 1: You will be discussing the language and style of this article in groups next week . Then each group will present their commentary to the class. Please click on the link below to read the article now. The text will be printed and given to you in class next week.
http://music.msn.com/music/photos/enough-already/?photoidx=1
Blk 1 - PERSEPOLIS
PERSEPOLIS
A memoir in comic strip images of growing up in Iran during the Islamic Revolution:
http://www.randomhouse.com/pantheon/graphicnovels/persepolis.html
Marjane Satrapi, Why I wrote Persepolis http://www.randomhouse.com/pantheon/graphicnovels/satrapi2.html
PERSEPOLIS (the film): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persepolis_(film)
View the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PXHeKuBzPY
A review of the film: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/persepolis/
A memoir in comic strip images of growing up in Iran during the Islamic Revolution:
http://www.randomhouse.com/pantheon/graphicnovels/persepolis.html
Marjane Satrapi, Why I wrote Persepolis http://www.randomhouse.com/pantheon/graphicnovels/satrapi2.html
PERSEPOLIS (the film): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persepolis_(film)
View the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PXHeKuBzPY
A review of the film: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/persepolis/
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Blk 1 - The use of TALK in Informal language
TALK – Oxford English Language teaching
look who’s talking/you can talk/ you’re a fine one to talk (informal)
used to tell somebody that they should not criticize somebody else for something because they do the same things too: Person A: ‘George is so careless with money.’ Person B: ‘Look who’s talking!’
now you’re talking (informal)
used when you like what somebody has suggested very much
talk about ... (informal)
used to emphasize something : Talk about mean! She didn’t even buy me a card. (2nd Assessment: Sovereign of the Seas review: ‘Talk about the march of progress’)
talk dirty (informal)
to talk to somebody about sex in order to make them sexually excited
talk the hind leg off a donkey (informal)
to talk too much, especially about boring or unimportant things
talking of somebody/something (informal, especially British English)
used when you are going to say more about a subject that has already been mentioned: Talking of Sue, I met her new boyfriend last week.
talk shop (usually disapproving)
to talk about your work with the people you work with, especially when you are also with other people who are not connected with or interested in it: Whenever we meet up with Clive and Sue they always end up talking shop.
talk the talk (informal, sometimes disapproving)
to be able to talk in a confident way that makes people think you are good at what you do: You can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk? (= can you act in a way that matches your words?)
talk through your hat (old-fashioned, informal)
to say silly things while you are talking about a subject you do not understand
talk tough (on sth) (informal)
to tell people very strongly what you want
talk turkey (informal, especially NAmE)
to talk about sth seriously
talk your way out of sth / of doing sth
to make excuses and give reasons for not doing sth; to manage to get yourself out of a difficult situation: I managed to talk my way out of having to give a speech.
PHRASAL VERBS
talk around / round (something):
to talk about sth in a general way without dealing with the most important parts of it: We spent a whole hour talking around the problem before looking at ways of solving it.
talk at (somebody):
to speak to somebody without listening to what they say in reply: You can’t have a real conversation with him—he just talks at you all the time.
talk back (to somebody)
to answer sb rudely, especially somebody in authority
talk down (to somebody)
to speak to sb as if they were less important or intelligent than you
talk (somebody) into / out of (something)
to persuade sb to do/not to do sth: I didn’t want to move abroad but Bill talked me into it.
talk (somebody) round to ( something) (BrE)
to persuade sb to accept sth or agree to sth: We finally managed to talk them round to our way of thinking.
talk (somebody) through (something)
to explain to sb how sth works so that they can do it or understand it: Can you talk me through the various investment options?
talk (something) through
to discuss sth thoroughly until you are sure you understand it: It sounds like a good idea but we’ll need to talk it through.
talk (somebody or something) up
to describe sb/sth in a way that makes them sound better than they really are: They talked up the tourist attractions to encourage more visitors.
‘Talk’ used as a NOUN
WORDS WITHOUT ACTIONS (informal)
words that are spoken, but without the necessary facts or actions to support them: It’s just talk. He’d never carry out his threats. Don’t pay any attention to her—she’s all talk.
STORIES / RUMOURS
stories that suggest a particular thing might happen in the future: There was talk in Washington of sending in troops. She dismissed the stories of her resignation as newspaper talk. There’s talk that he’s a difficult actor to work with.
TOPIC / WAY OF SPEAKING
a topic of conversation or a way of speaking:
business talk ;
She said it was just girl talk that a man wouldn’t understand.
The book teaches you how to understand Spanish street talk (= slang).
It was tough talk, coming from a man who had begun the year in a hospital bed.
(see also 'small talk, sweet talk, trash talk)
the talk of something : the person or thing that everyone is talking about in a particular place: Overnight, she became the talk of the town (= very famous).
look who’s talking/you can talk/ you’re a fine one to talk (informal)
used to tell somebody that they should not criticize somebody else for something because they do the same things too: Person A: ‘George is so careless with money.’ Person B: ‘Look who’s talking!’
now you’re talking (informal)
used when you like what somebody has suggested very much
talk about ... (informal)
used to emphasize something : Talk about mean! She didn’t even buy me a card. (2nd Assessment: Sovereign of the Seas review: ‘Talk about the march of progress’)
talk dirty (informal)
to talk to somebody about sex in order to make them sexually excited
talk the hind leg off a donkey (informal)
to talk too much, especially about boring or unimportant things
talking of somebody/something (informal, especially British English)
used when you are going to say more about a subject that has already been mentioned: Talking of Sue, I met her new boyfriend last week.
talk shop (usually disapproving)
to talk about your work with the people you work with, especially when you are also with other people who are not connected with or interested in it: Whenever we meet up with Clive and Sue they always end up talking shop.
talk the talk (informal, sometimes disapproving)
to be able to talk in a confident way that makes people think you are good at what you do: You can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk? (= can you act in a way that matches your words?)
talk through your hat (old-fashioned, informal)
to say silly things while you are talking about a subject you do not understand
talk tough (on sth) (informal)
to tell people very strongly what you want
talk turkey (informal, especially NAmE)
to talk about sth seriously
talk your way out of sth / of doing sth
to make excuses and give reasons for not doing sth; to manage to get yourself out of a difficult situation: I managed to talk my way out of having to give a speech.
PHRASAL VERBS
talk around / round (something):
to talk about sth in a general way without dealing with the most important parts of it: We spent a whole hour talking around the problem before looking at ways of solving it.
talk at (somebody):
to speak to somebody without listening to what they say in reply: You can’t have a real conversation with him—he just talks at you all the time.
talk back (to somebody)
to answer sb rudely, especially somebody in authority
talk down (to somebody)
to speak to sb as if they were less important or intelligent than you
talk (somebody) into / out of (something)
to persuade sb to do/not to do sth: I didn’t want to move abroad but Bill talked me into it.
talk (somebody) round to ( something) (BrE)
to persuade sb to accept sth or agree to sth: We finally managed to talk them round to our way of thinking.
talk (somebody) through (something)
to explain to sb how sth works so that they can do it or understand it: Can you talk me through the various investment options?
talk (something) through
to discuss sth thoroughly until you are sure you understand it: It sounds like a good idea but we’ll need to talk it through.
talk (somebody or something) up
to describe sb/sth in a way that makes them sound better than they really are: They talked up the tourist attractions to encourage more visitors.
‘Talk’ used as a NOUN
WORDS WITHOUT ACTIONS (informal)
words that are spoken, but without the necessary facts or actions to support them: It’s just talk. He’d never carry out his threats. Don’t pay any attention to her—she’s all talk.
STORIES / RUMOURS
stories that suggest a particular thing might happen in the future: There was talk in Washington of sending in troops. She dismissed the stories of her resignation as newspaper talk. There’s talk that he’s a difficult actor to work with.
TOPIC / WAY OF SPEAKING
a topic of conversation or a way of speaking:
business talk ;
She said it was just girl talk that a man wouldn’t understand.
The book teaches you how to understand Spanish street talk (= slang).
It was tough talk, coming from a man who had begun the year in a hospital bed.
(see also 'small talk, sweet talk, trash talk)
the talk of something : the person or thing that everyone is talking about in a particular place: Overnight, she became the talk of the town (= very famous).
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Blk 1: Good essays from June Holiday Assignment
SHARIFAH LIYANA NADZIRA BT MALAI HJ HASHIM ( B6 )
Write 2 contrasting pieces (between 300-450 words each) describing a sunrise and a sunset over the same place on the same day. In your writing you should try to bring out differences in mood and atmosphere. (June 2007)
Sunset
As I sat alone, I saw loving couples along the beach, watching the sunset, holding hands, cuddling, sharing their great happiness of being together and the intimacy of love. I felt alone. I calmed myself, gazing at the beautiful sunset.
The sun was a great, big, romantic and inspirational fire in the sky. The salt of the water could be tasted on the tip of my tongue. The caress of the breeze was a warm comfort, giving me joy and relaxation. It was like a sweet embrace, stilling my heart, and causing my breath to hold for the slightest of moments. The wonderment of the beauty of it collected all my bad and unpleasant feelings in a bag of mixed emotions, leaving me in elation.
It was silent for a while; the birds could be heard flapping their wings across the sea which made me feel like I was as free as they were; the soothing sound of the waves made me feel even better. Sunset proved to me the earth was going round to make the sun slowly disappear from this side of my view. It was like bright red fire flies dancing across the sky and changing colour from gold to orange to red, like dancers changing their costumes in a performance. The rays seemed friendly and they reminded me of an old friend saying goodbye and even though he was leaving, I knew he would be back again.
The sky was ablaze with colour: fiery orange, searing reds, hot as the yellow sun and yet the sky had begun to cool with the indigo of the night. The feeling was greatly serene. I looked back at my surroundings, each and every couple felt the same way I did - their faces showed it all. Then I thought for a moment of how wonderful it would be to watch the sunset with the one you care about right beside you.
Sunrise
We sit on a beach with a blanket wrapped around us, sharing a cup of hot coffee and waiting for the sun to rise. The sound of silence comes to mind, the still air is replaced by the morning breeze, cool and refreshing. It is the best time of day. An ideal time to smell the fresh air of dawn.
We wait for the sun to rise, spirited and energetic for a fresh start of a new day, to think of the day’s possibilities and promises rather than of its regrets. Slowly the bright orange ball appears like the colour of orange, mango and peach. The sky joins with the water and the light and begin to paint colours over the surface of the water: red of blood and orange of lust. It is a hope-filled event as my excitement grows slowly to watch the beautiful light shine out of its darkness. A splendid view with excellent light, colour and mood. The sun comes up, wrapping the day in beauty. The rays of sunrise glitter like diamonds on a smooth sheet of water over which birds fly peacefully.
We sit on the blanket now as the air is warmer. We watch the colour of the ocean change from dark blue green to a colour equally blue. We look at each other, we see the calmness and joy that is within us. Just as the sun brings light, a new beginning and a new creation to a new day, our relationship begins anew. This great opportunity has made me think of how wonderful nature is and it has taught me to start a new day filled with new ideas. (grade: C+)
Mrs Saunders’ comments:
1. Her essays are vibrant and rich in details:
· She describes how her senses respond to the environment - the salt of the water (taste); the caress of the breeze (touch), the soothing sound of the waves (hearing), like bright red fire flies dancing across the sky and changing colour from gold to orange to red (sight and movement).
· Her description of colour is dramatic (‘fiery orange, searing reds’) and it is given an emotional force (‘red of blood and orange of lust’)
· She has also used similes (which you can readily identify), metaphors(in italics) and alliteration ('soothing sounds')
· Abundant adjectives: serene, cool, refreshing, energetic, smooth, splendid, excellent, new, great, wonderful etc
2. More important, her writing shows good STRATEGY - the descriptive language has not caused her to detract from the main aim of the assignment which is to create CONTRAST in mood in the 2 essays.
This contrast is suggested in the sentences I put in italics. At sunset, there is a quiet loneliness in the narrator, while at sunrise, there is an atmosphere of hope - she is optimistic about her new relationship with her companion.
3. Note the difference in tense between the 2 essays. Consider the difference in effect.
ARAFAT BIN MAHABUB
1. Write 2 contrasting pieces (between 300-450 words each), one which describes a particular place at the end of a war or natural disaster and one which describes the way it looks after being rebuilt. In your writing you should try to bring out differences in mood and atmosphere. (Nov 2007)
After the war
The war has ended, so has the lives of many others. It is an evil thing, War. It is something that everyone wants to avoid but when it does happen, there is no imaginable way of escaping it. One can imagine how a battlefield, a friendly neighborhood for many families, would look like after a war: HELL. Debris and fragments from the houses that once housed an innocent toddler can be seen scattered everywhere. The dull and dark atmosphere can give us an idea of how spiritless the place is. Clouds of smoke and dust fill the pungent air and the stagnant water itself expresses the lifeless condition of the place. As you look over the hill, you can see the grey and gloomy clouds, slowly moving towards the desolate place. You can tell the place is in solitary.
The people stay helpless, depressed and heavy-hearted. The tears in their eyes speak a thousand words. The shattered hearts cry for help, feeling hopelessness and despair. Desperate to stand on their feet, hoping to move on with their life but they cannot forget the torments and excruciating pain they experienced. Dead bodies still lay on the ruined streets. Everything you see around you is destroyed. Nothing left in one piece. The survivors remain in a moody silence. By looking at their teary eyes, you can see how miserable they are, how sorrowful they feel, how stubborn they can become, how fed up they are.
The parliament buildings can be seen in piles of debris and you cannot differentiate between a national landmark and a bare and deserted land. Some of the walls of the building are covered in blood, a disturbing image indeed. Many bullet shells cover the surface of the streets of the town and to start collecting all these shells and to destroy them would be a start in rebuilding the once beautiful town.
After the rebuilt
After a war, basically the whole town is destroyed and also the lives of many others. It is very hard to start a new life and to forget the past. But the best way to move on with a new life is by rebuilding the town. Being united, working hard to make the place what it used to be before: a beautiful place.
Many years after the dreadful war the town was resurrected and new buildings were erected. The atmosphere has changed since the war, for the better. The sky is clear with the sun shining brightfully on the new built town. New trees have grown which provides shelter for the birds, chirping at daily sunrise, giving an impression that the birds are living in peace and are not disturbed. Many new buildings such as schools, hospital, etc, are built and also quite a few tourist sites to attract people in order to develop the town further. The peaceful environment in the town is created by various flowers producing a scent which provides the town with a fresh smell and a promising future.
The warm breeze from the west and the raining season keeps the town lively and gives hope for the town farmers. Many new retail shops are established to create jobs for those who are unemployed thus everyone in the town is united and the population is grateful and cheerful. New mosques and churches are built to keep the town blessed. Furthermore, monuments are also constructed in order to pay respect to the residents and the people who died during the war. Eventhough the town has been revived, it has not fully recovered from the damage made during the war. The people still think about the past and regret those moments. But a new town has been built, a better town where people can easily move on and try to forget the torturous past. (grade: C+)
Mrs Saunders’ comments
· He uses a plain conversational style. There is a sense of an omniscient narrator speaking to the reader directly (note the use of the second person pronoun). The tone is quiet and restrained.
Although the description of each scene is quite general, it is effective in showing contrast in atmosphere between the two scenes.
· The simple sentence structure works well in describing a difficult topic (war and reconstruction) clearly.
· Short sentences state a point with impact. (It is an evil thing, War. Nothing left in one piece )
· There is an emotional dimension in the writing. The narrator’s awareness of the peoples’ physical and mental suffering gives the essays more depth - ‘The people stay helpless, depressed and heavy-hearted. The tears in their eyes speak a thousand words; Desperate to stand on their feet; ..they cannot forget the torments…; moody silence’.
· Note how the opening sentence in the first work is similar that of the second:
Ist work: The war has ended, so has the lives of many others.
2nd work: After a war, basically the whole town is destroyed and also the lives of many others.
This similarity in sentence structure unifies the two pieces of writing.
· Note the abundant use of adjectives which is a basic must in descriptive writing.
· The essay ends on a realistic but hopeful note. ‘ The people still think about the past and regret those moments. But a new town has been built, a better town where people can easily move on and try to forget the torturous past.’
This is a mark of good writing because i)a simplistic approach (reconstruction = happy ending ) and ii) sentimentality (excessive emotion) have been avoided.
NORSAIDI BIN SERAIL (B7)
Write two contrasting pieces (between 300-450 words each) describing a sunrise and a sunset over the same place on the same day. In your writing you should try to bring out differences in mood and atmosphere.
Sunrise
It is morning again without anybody realizing it, because they are fast asleep. The pink sky has slowly changed colour to a bright yellow, which is then mixed with a bit of orange and red. Though this transformation is significant, no one bothers to examine it; they barely even look up to the sky and praise the works of the Almighty. However, one of the children stops dead in his tracks to gaze at the open sky to see a group of birds flying which have added to the beauty of the panoramic view. The sunrise is obviously signalling everybody to wake up to do their respective errands. But, at the same time, this phenomenon doesn’t get the approval of the bed-lover.
Here it is...Kampong Ayer, which stands out most in the core of the town.
The sunrise gives new hope not only to loners but to smugglers. It casts light on the flickering waves and shadows on the long, old jittery jetties. Sunrise means work to the business men and business women though they earn only little. Children jump happily into their school uniforms and this means another gruelling job for teachers. It also means another profitable day for water taxi drivers. It is as if the Sun has blessed people with life and luck, accompanying every person in his daily life with prosperity and promising journeys, wherever they are heading. The Sun has raised itself slightly adding heat to the river. A place that at one time felt quite silent, has become busy and full of distinct activities, which is why it is the centre of attraction of the town.
Sunset
On the other hand, when the Sun begins its journey of dipping below the horizon, people would be very busy hiring the water taxi drivers to go across the river. The Sun would be terrified if anyone dared to swim across the wide river just to get home. The tide has slowly become calm and safe to those people who are afraid of going on a water taxi. Slowly, business men and business women along the Kianggeh River begin their packing. Darkness would engulf the town, only to be disturbed by the lights and bulbs perk up the street and everyone’s houses. Birds are flying to their home after a day of hunting. They are no longer chirping, instead they are whistling as if singing to the sinking giant ball of flames.
Babies sleep comfortably in their mothers’ arms. Children from school yawn, their sleepy faces distinguishable by their heavy eyelids. Despite their tiredness, the water taxi drivers continue their services transporting villagers back and forth. It is nearly silent, only the sounds of waves hitting the walls are heard. Shops are beginning to close down one by one, adding to the silent atmosphere and a sense of gloom hangs in the air. The Sun has deliberately dipped into the horizon to give way to smugglers and pick pockets to begin their sinful activities especially in the stinking and dirty alleyways.
Restaurants and cafes open because as night approaches they will be the centre of attraction. Despite this, ‘azan’ from the mosque penetrate the dull air in the town, signalling people to watch their watches and reminding them to perform the Maghrib Prayer for Muslims. The once brave and arrogant smugglers in the alleyways have suddenly become weak and they hesitate, wondering whether to continue with their activities or not. So the day has melted into the night, with clouds drifting slowly, as if they are stage curtains and the people below are actors and actresses...
(Grade: C+)
Mrs Saunders’ comments
The impact of sunrise and sunset on life in of Kampong Ayer is described in a sensitive and imaginative way - the sun is written with a capital ‘S’ and described if it has intention and feeling (‘the Sun has blessed people with life and luck, accompanying every person in his daily life with prosperity...’;’ the Sun begins its journey...’; ‘The Sun would be terrified...’).
There is gentle humour in these lines:
'The sunrise is obviously signalling everybody to wake up to do their respective errands. But, at the same time, this phenomenon doesn’t get the approval of the bed-lover.'
The ironic humour derives from the contrast between the sun’s ‘eagerness’ to get everyone up to work, and the sleepers’ disinclination to respond.
Although the tone is mostly gentle, it is not uncritical of the villagers who fail to appreciate the wonder of sunrise as a gift from God. The word ‘sinful’ and the association of the smugglers’ activities with ‘the stinking and dirty alleyways’ show that the narrator strongly disapproves of this aspect of life in Kg Ayer.
The azan’s moral influence on life in Kg Ayer is implied in the words ‘penetrate’ and ‘signalling’ and also in the smugglers sudden loss of courage upon hearing it. Hence the essays have a spiritual angle, which give more depth and interest.
Contrast in mood
At sunrise, the serene atmosphere evoked in the first paragraph is slightly undercut at the start of the second paragraph when the writer refers to smugglers and ‘shadows on the long, old jittery jetties’. There is also an atmosphere of promise and increasing vitality as the people get more involved in their daily chores as the day progresses (even the smugglers are optimistic because of ‘the Sun accompanying every person in his daily life with prosperity and promising journeys’).
At sunset, everything slows down and the atmosphere of diminishing energy engulfs Kampong Ayer as villagers prepare to rest from the day’s work. Elsewhere in the busy restaurants and cafes, the ‘azan’ reminds the people of their spiritual obligations, implying that commercial activities are temporarily subdued.
The contrast in mood is also implied by the sudden lack of confidence that came upon the smugglers (in contrast to their optimism at sunrise)
The essay ends on a very satisfying note with the simile which compares the dark clouds covering the evening sky to the closing of stage curtains.
Write 2 contrasting pieces (between 300-450 words each) describing a sunrise and a sunset over the same place on the same day. In your writing you should try to bring out differences in mood and atmosphere. (June 2007)
Sunset
As I sat alone, I saw loving couples along the beach, watching the sunset, holding hands, cuddling, sharing their great happiness of being together and the intimacy of love. I felt alone. I calmed myself, gazing at the beautiful sunset.
The sun was a great, big, romantic and inspirational fire in the sky. The salt of the water could be tasted on the tip of my tongue. The caress of the breeze was a warm comfort, giving me joy and relaxation. It was like a sweet embrace, stilling my heart, and causing my breath to hold for the slightest of moments. The wonderment of the beauty of it collected all my bad and unpleasant feelings in a bag of mixed emotions, leaving me in elation.
It was silent for a while; the birds could be heard flapping their wings across the sea which made me feel like I was as free as they were; the soothing sound of the waves made me feel even better. Sunset proved to me the earth was going round to make the sun slowly disappear from this side of my view. It was like bright red fire flies dancing across the sky and changing colour from gold to orange to red, like dancers changing their costumes in a performance. The rays seemed friendly and they reminded me of an old friend saying goodbye and even though he was leaving, I knew he would be back again.
The sky was ablaze with colour: fiery orange, searing reds, hot as the yellow sun and yet the sky had begun to cool with the indigo of the night. The feeling was greatly serene. I looked back at my surroundings, each and every couple felt the same way I did - their faces showed it all. Then I thought for a moment of how wonderful it would be to watch the sunset with the one you care about right beside you.
Sunrise
We sit on a beach with a blanket wrapped around us, sharing a cup of hot coffee and waiting for the sun to rise. The sound of silence comes to mind, the still air is replaced by the morning breeze, cool and refreshing. It is the best time of day. An ideal time to smell the fresh air of dawn.
We wait for the sun to rise, spirited and energetic for a fresh start of a new day, to think of the day’s possibilities and promises rather than of its regrets. Slowly the bright orange ball appears like the colour of orange, mango and peach. The sky joins with the water and the light and begin to paint colours over the surface of the water: red of blood and orange of lust. It is a hope-filled event as my excitement grows slowly to watch the beautiful light shine out of its darkness. A splendid view with excellent light, colour and mood. The sun comes up, wrapping the day in beauty. The rays of sunrise glitter like diamonds on a smooth sheet of water over which birds fly peacefully.
We sit on the blanket now as the air is warmer. We watch the colour of the ocean change from dark blue green to a colour equally blue. We look at each other, we see the calmness and joy that is within us. Just as the sun brings light, a new beginning and a new creation to a new day, our relationship begins anew. This great opportunity has made me think of how wonderful nature is and it has taught me to start a new day filled with new ideas. (grade: C+)
Mrs Saunders’ comments:
1. Her essays are vibrant and rich in details:
· She describes how her senses respond to the environment - the salt of the water (taste); the caress of the breeze (touch), the soothing sound of the waves (hearing), like bright red fire flies dancing across the sky and changing colour from gold to orange to red (sight and movement).
· Her description of colour is dramatic (‘fiery orange, searing reds’) and it is given an emotional force (‘red of blood and orange of lust’)
· She has also used similes (which you can readily identify), metaphors(in italics) and alliteration ('soothing sounds')
· Abundant adjectives: serene, cool, refreshing, energetic, smooth, splendid, excellent, new, great, wonderful etc
2. More important, her writing shows good STRATEGY - the descriptive language has not caused her to detract from the main aim of the assignment which is to create CONTRAST in mood in the 2 essays.
This contrast is suggested in the sentences I put in italics. At sunset, there is a quiet loneliness in the narrator, while at sunrise, there is an atmosphere of hope - she is optimistic about her new relationship with her companion.
3. Note the difference in tense between the 2 essays. Consider the difference in effect.
ARAFAT BIN MAHABUB
1. Write 2 contrasting pieces (between 300-450 words each), one which describes a particular place at the end of a war or natural disaster and one which describes the way it looks after being rebuilt. In your writing you should try to bring out differences in mood and atmosphere. (Nov 2007)
After the war
The war has ended, so has the lives of many others. It is an evil thing, War. It is something that everyone wants to avoid but when it does happen, there is no imaginable way of escaping it. One can imagine how a battlefield, a friendly neighborhood for many families, would look like after a war: HELL. Debris and fragments from the houses that once housed an innocent toddler can be seen scattered everywhere. The dull and dark atmosphere can give us an idea of how spiritless the place is. Clouds of smoke and dust fill the pungent air and the stagnant water itself expresses the lifeless condition of the place. As you look over the hill, you can see the grey and gloomy clouds, slowly moving towards the desolate place. You can tell the place is in solitary.
The people stay helpless, depressed and heavy-hearted. The tears in their eyes speak a thousand words. The shattered hearts cry for help, feeling hopelessness and despair. Desperate to stand on their feet, hoping to move on with their life but they cannot forget the torments and excruciating pain they experienced. Dead bodies still lay on the ruined streets. Everything you see around you is destroyed. Nothing left in one piece. The survivors remain in a moody silence. By looking at their teary eyes, you can see how miserable they are, how sorrowful they feel, how stubborn they can become, how fed up they are.
The parliament buildings can be seen in piles of debris and you cannot differentiate between a national landmark and a bare and deserted land. Some of the walls of the building are covered in blood, a disturbing image indeed. Many bullet shells cover the surface of the streets of the town and to start collecting all these shells and to destroy them would be a start in rebuilding the once beautiful town.
After the rebuilt
After a war, basically the whole town is destroyed and also the lives of many others. It is very hard to start a new life and to forget the past. But the best way to move on with a new life is by rebuilding the town. Being united, working hard to make the place what it used to be before: a beautiful place.
Many years after the dreadful war the town was resurrected and new buildings were erected. The atmosphere has changed since the war, for the better. The sky is clear with the sun shining brightfully on the new built town. New trees have grown which provides shelter for the birds, chirping at daily sunrise, giving an impression that the birds are living in peace and are not disturbed. Many new buildings such as schools, hospital, etc, are built and also quite a few tourist sites to attract people in order to develop the town further. The peaceful environment in the town is created by various flowers producing a scent which provides the town with a fresh smell and a promising future.
The warm breeze from the west and the raining season keeps the town lively and gives hope for the town farmers. Many new retail shops are established to create jobs for those who are unemployed thus everyone in the town is united and the population is grateful and cheerful. New mosques and churches are built to keep the town blessed. Furthermore, monuments are also constructed in order to pay respect to the residents and the people who died during the war. Eventhough the town has been revived, it has not fully recovered from the damage made during the war. The people still think about the past and regret those moments. But a new town has been built, a better town where people can easily move on and try to forget the torturous past. (grade: C+)
Mrs Saunders’ comments
· He uses a plain conversational style. There is a sense of an omniscient narrator speaking to the reader directly (note the use of the second person pronoun). The tone is quiet and restrained.
Although the description of each scene is quite general, it is effective in showing contrast in atmosphere between the two scenes.
· The simple sentence structure works well in describing a difficult topic (war and reconstruction) clearly.
· Short sentences state a point with impact. (It is an evil thing, War. Nothing left in one piece )
· There is an emotional dimension in the writing. The narrator’s awareness of the peoples’ physical and mental suffering gives the essays more depth - ‘The people stay helpless, depressed and heavy-hearted. The tears in their eyes speak a thousand words; Desperate to stand on their feet; ..they cannot forget the torments…; moody silence’.
· Note how the opening sentence in the first work is similar that of the second:
Ist work: The war has ended, so has the lives of many others.
2nd work: After a war, basically the whole town is destroyed and also the lives of many others.
This similarity in sentence structure unifies the two pieces of writing.
· Note the abundant use of adjectives which is a basic must in descriptive writing.
· The essay ends on a realistic but hopeful note. ‘ The people still think about the past and regret those moments. But a new town has been built, a better town where people can easily move on and try to forget the torturous past.’
This is a mark of good writing because i)a simplistic approach (reconstruction = happy ending ) and ii) sentimentality (excessive emotion) have been avoided.
NORSAIDI BIN SERAIL (B7)
Write two contrasting pieces (between 300-450 words each) describing a sunrise and a sunset over the same place on the same day. In your writing you should try to bring out differences in mood and atmosphere.
Sunrise
It is morning again without anybody realizing it, because they are fast asleep. The pink sky has slowly changed colour to a bright yellow, which is then mixed with a bit of orange and red. Though this transformation is significant, no one bothers to examine it; they barely even look up to the sky and praise the works of the Almighty. However, one of the children stops dead in his tracks to gaze at the open sky to see a group of birds flying which have added to the beauty of the panoramic view. The sunrise is obviously signalling everybody to wake up to do their respective errands. But, at the same time, this phenomenon doesn’t get the approval of the bed-lover.
Here it is...Kampong Ayer, which stands out most in the core of the town.
The sunrise gives new hope not only to loners but to smugglers. It casts light on the flickering waves and shadows on the long, old jittery jetties. Sunrise means work to the business men and business women though they earn only little. Children jump happily into their school uniforms and this means another gruelling job for teachers. It also means another profitable day for water taxi drivers. It is as if the Sun has blessed people with life and luck, accompanying every person in his daily life with prosperity and promising journeys, wherever they are heading. The Sun has raised itself slightly adding heat to the river. A place that at one time felt quite silent, has become busy and full of distinct activities, which is why it is the centre of attraction of the town.
Sunset
On the other hand, when the Sun begins its journey of dipping below the horizon, people would be very busy hiring the water taxi drivers to go across the river. The Sun would be terrified if anyone dared to swim across the wide river just to get home. The tide has slowly become calm and safe to those people who are afraid of going on a water taxi. Slowly, business men and business women along the Kianggeh River begin their packing. Darkness would engulf the town, only to be disturbed by the lights and bulbs perk up the street and everyone’s houses. Birds are flying to their home after a day of hunting. They are no longer chirping, instead they are whistling as if singing to the sinking giant ball of flames.
Babies sleep comfortably in their mothers’ arms. Children from school yawn, their sleepy faces distinguishable by their heavy eyelids. Despite their tiredness, the water taxi drivers continue their services transporting villagers back and forth. It is nearly silent, only the sounds of waves hitting the walls are heard. Shops are beginning to close down one by one, adding to the silent atmosphere and a sense of gloom hangs in the air. The Sun has deliberately dipped into the horizon to give way to smugglers and pick pockets to begin their sinful activities especially in the stinking and dirty alleyways.
Restaurants and cafes open because as night approaches they will be the centre of attraction. Despite this, ‘azan’ from the mosque penetrate the dull air in the town, signalling people to watch their watches and reminding them to perform the Maghrib Prayer for Muslims. The once brave and arrogant smugglers in the alleyways have suddenly become weak and they hesitate, wondering whether to continue with their activities or not. So the day has melted into the night, with clouds drifting slowly, as if they are stage curtains and the people below are actors and actresses...
(Grade: C+)
Mrs Saunders’ comments
The impact of sunrise and sunset on life in of Kampong Ayer is described in a sensitive and imaginative way - the sun is written with a capital ‘S’ and described if it has intention and feeling (‘the Sun has blessed people with life and luck, accompanying every person in his daily life with prosperity...’;’ the Sun begins its journey...’; ‘The Sun would be terrified...’).
There is gentle humour in these lines:
'The sunrise is obviously signalling everybody to wake up to do their respective errands. But, at the same time, this phenomenon doesn’t get the approval of the bed-lover.'
The ironic humour derives from the contrast between the sun’s ‘eagerness’ to get everyone up to work, and the sleepers’ disinclination to respond.
Although the tone is mostly gentle, it is not uncritical of the villagers who fail to appreciate the wonder of sunrise as a gift from God. The word ‘sinful’ and the association of the smugglers’ activities with ‘the stinking and dirty alleyways’ show that the narrator strongly disapproves of this aspect of life in Kg Ayer.
The azan’s moral influence on life in Kg Ayer is implied in the words ‘penetrate’ and ‘signalling’ and also in the smugglers sudden loss of courage upon hearing it. Hence the essays have a spiritual angle, which give more depth and interest.
Contrast in mood
At sunrise, the serene atmosphere evoked in the first paragraph is slightly undercut at the start of the second paragraph when the writer refers to smugglers and ‘shadows on the long, old jittery jetties’. There is also an atmosphere of promise and increasing vitality as the people get more involved in their daily chores as the day progresses (even the smugglers are optimistic because of ‘the Sun accompanying every person in his daily life with prosperity and promising journeys’).
At sunset, everything slows down and the atmosphere of diminishing energy engulfs Kampong Ayer as villagers prepare to rest from the day’s work. Elsewhere in the busy restaurants and cafes, the ‘azan’ reminds the people of their spiritual obligations, implying that commercial activities are temporarily subdued.
The contrast in mood is also implied by the sudden lack of confidence that came upon the smugglers (in contrast to their optimism at sunrise)
The essay ends on a very satisfying note with the simile which compares the dark clouds covering the evening sky to the closing of stage curtains.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Blk 1 Good student essays - June Holiday Assignment
Angelyn Choo Tze Hui. (B5)
Write 2 contrasting pieces (between 300-450 words each) describing a sunrise and a sunset over the same place on the same day. In your writing you should try to bring out differences in mood and atmosphere. (June 2007)
That place had something magical, I swear. Even though I had to wake up an hour before sunrise so I could reach my destination on time (using the quickest form of transportation I owned: my bicycle), I was really glad I did. When I finally made it to the abandoned field just a few minutes from my house, the sky was beginning to get light, and the chill of early morning was fading away, as if to hide from the glorious rays of light emerging from dark clouds that were bursting forth unto this small piece of paradise. All darkness departed as the sun rose higher into the sky; I could feel the heat on my skin. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead, arms, back and legs; I began to feel restless. All the silence and calm that protected the night before was being slowly consumed by birds chirping and not long after that, engulfed by honks, screeching of tires, the inevitable humming of car engines and the clanking (and stench) of the garbage truck that just passed by.
Simultaneously, my senses became overwhelmed by all that was going on: the beautiful scenery, the burning sensation on my skin, the intense noises and violent smell that mixed with the morning’s air and caused an electricity of excitement to run through the atmosphere. And suddenly, everything felt vibrant. I could literally feel the new day beginning, a fresh start; all sins from the night before were forgiven, all tears were wiped away. I looked around and saw that the grass held no secrets, the trees kept no hidden thoughts and the sky seized no clandestine hope; everything was in the open. (I wanted to be open as well. Transparent, with nothing holding me back.) Every leaf, every tree and every blade of grass, down to the smallest speck of dust, seemed to embrace the new light, perhaps even as a sort of salutation to the wonder that is the sunrise.
After a few hours, I was back in the field, waiting for the sun to perform her closing act. And without fail, she delivered. The sun’s slow gentle descent into the horizon brought about a familiar chill that surrounded me. I looked around and realized that everything had come to a halt. The clouds gathered in one panoramic view, as if they were wishing the sun a pleasant farewell for the day. All the noises of the harried day seemed to have diminished and a soothing silence reigned over the place. As the sun sank beneath the horizon, the sky mingled hot colors with colds ones; bright orange, fading into dark blue. The soft pinks and pale creamy yellows melted away as the soft darkness brushed across the sky.
A chill ran through my spine as I witnessed this. The sun deserved a standing ovation. The majestic splendor of that moment overtook me and I could not help but let the tears roll down my cheeks. But I was not worried that anyone would see me cry. As the sky turned dark, it felt like a reassurance that all secrets shared within that moment would be locked away safely. The grass and trees were no more in clear view, they were given a silent permission to do as they liked. And so was I. It was the ending of the day for some, yet only the beginning for others. I felt the evening’s cold fingertips brush against my face and decided that it was time to head home. (grade:B)
Mrs Saunders’ comments
Both the sunrise and sunset evoke powerful feelings and a heightened awareness in the narrator. The freshness of the morning fills her with exhilaration and a sense of liberty.
Figurative language to describe the external world of nature (‘the grass held no secrets, the trees kept no hidden thoughts and the sky seized no clandestine hope’) gives us an idea of the internal world of her emotions and thoughts. She felt freedom and joy in sharing all her innermost secrets.
The mood of openness that she experiences at sunrise is finely contrasted with the mood of withdrawal at sunset. The narrator now feels the need to keep her thoughts and feelings private as conveyed in the imagery of ‘locked safely away’. The darkening sky is also an apt metaphor for her state of mind; in the same way the sky at dawn (‘the sky was beginning to get light’) set the atmosphere for her elation that morning.
Rahimah Salaesah Ibrahim (B20)
Write 2 contrasting descriptive pieces (between 300-450 words each) about 2 different times of the day and their effect on a particular place. In describing each time you should create clear contrasts in mood and atmosphere.
The Day
I watched the sun rise high in the sky, smiling down at us; I sat down on the grass, watching people passing by. Nearby flora was blooming, showing their bright attractive colors: purple royal, cerulean, aqua, olive green, sunburst yellow, auburn and fuchsia as if it was an eternal rainbow. The children were at the playground. Most of them were playing hide and seek, others were in the sandbox with their own tools and two girls were seen on the swing. The echoes of their laughter could be heard resonating in the park. Parents were on the side watching the children with blissful smiles on their faces. Suddenly a boy stumbled and started to cry. I stood up and took a step forward but a girl stopped in front of the crying boy and helped him up. They resumed playing after the boy had calmed down and I sat back, assured that everything was fine. At the center of the park, there was the great fountain, symbolizing unity and peace. Its white marble texture and goblet-like structure were enhanced by the gentle flowing of the crystal clear water; it gleamed softly as the golden rays rested on it. There were tourists nearby, each one of them was different yet the important thing was they were having a good time. Birds were seen flying and singing, the squirrels were jumping from tree to tree, bees were buzzing and butterflies flew around the flowers. On the bench, facing the fountain, there was an old woman feeding the pigeons and an old man reading the morning paper right beside her. The gentle wind passed by once in a while, carrying the soft sound of comfort. A small sigh escaped my lips. The day was full of life.
The Night
Sitting down on the bench, facing the fountain, I stare at the dark night. Everything is very different at night. The bright colorful flowers earlier that day are now lifeless and dull as if they have withered and died. The playground is completely empty like an old ghost town, everyone has already gone home and there is not a soul around. The swing squeaks as if there is a child swinging on it yet it is only the wind gently pushing it. The moon is the only source of light that brightens the dark area yet to me it is still dim. The big oak tree stands tall creating an immense shadow, hiding whatever creature or someone lurking beneath it. The fountain emits a faded blue glow, making the surroundings gloomier than ever and the sound of water flowing can be heard more clearly than in the day. Suddenly out of nowhere, a big white owl swoops down and snatches a rat that is feeding nearby the garbage. I follow the owl with my eyes and it lands on the big oak tree branch and swallows its prey whole. I gulped as it stares at me with its big yellow eyes then it flies away leaving me staring at a feather that has fallen and landed on the ground. The sounds of crickets in the night are the only sounds heard other than the sound of the flowing water. The bushes behind me suddenly rattle; it startles me, I turn around and stare at the bush and suddenly a black cat jumps out and sprints away. I blink. I stand up and start to walk; it is time to head back home. The cold wind carries dead leaves and the air feels so dry and so suffocating as it passes by. It is cold and chilly and everything in the night seems mysteriously dead. (grade: C+)
Mrs Saunders’Comments:
Rahimah’s essays show that a simple sentence structure (‘Birds were seen flying and singing, the squirrels were jumping from tree to tree, bees were buzzing and butterflies flew around the flowers’;. ‘Sitting down on the bench, facing the fountain, I stare at the dark night.’ ‘Everything is very different at night.’ ‘The bushes behind me suddenly rattle’) can describe a scene vividly and create atmosphere effectively.
‘The Day’ is written in the past tense, while ‘The Night’ in the present tense. Is there a difference in effect as a result of this? In your view, which tense works better? Why?
The details in ‘The Day’ are concrete (real; can be seen, heard and felt by our 5 senses) but she uses imagery once. Can you spot it?
A striking contrast in atmosphere in the playground has been created in a simple and direct way, in the closing sentence of each piece (‘The day was full of life. ‘/ ‘It is cold and chilly and everything in the night seems mysteriously dead.’)
Write 2 contrasting pieces (between 300-450 words each) describing a sunrise and a sunset over the same place on the same day. In your writing you should try to bring out differences in mood and atmosphere. (June 2007)
That place had something magical, I swear. Even though I had to wake up an hour before sunrise so I could reach my destination on time (using the quickest form of transportation I owned: my bicycle), I was really glad I did. When I finally made it to the abandoned field just a few minutes from my house, the sky was beginning to get light, and the chill of early morning was fading away, as if to hide from the glorious rays of light emerging from dark clouds that were bursting forth unto this small piece of paradise. All darkness departed as the sun rose higher into the sky; I could feel the heat on my skin. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead, arms, back and legs; I began to feel restless. All the silence and calm that protected the night before was being slowly consumed by birds chirping and not long after that, engulfed by honks, screeching of tires, the inevitable humming of car engines and the clanking (and stench) of the garbage truck that just passed by.
Simultaneously, my senses became overwhelmed by all that was going on: the beautiful scenery, the burning sensation on my skin, the intense noises and violent smell that mixed with the morning’s air and caused an electricity of excitement to run through the atmosphere. And suddenly, everything felt vibrant. I could literally feel the new day beginning, a fresh start; all sins from the night before were forgiven, all tears were wiped away. I looked around and saw that the grass held no secrets, the trees kept no hidden thoughts and the sky seized no clandestine hope; everything was in the open. (I wanted to be open as well. Transparent, with nothing holding me back.) Every leaf, every tree and every blade of grass, down to the smallest speck of dust, seemed to embrace the new light, perhaps even as a sort of salutation to the wonder that is the sunrise.
After a few hours, I was back in the field, waiting for the sun to perform her closing act. And without fail, she delivered. The sun’s slow gentle descent into the horizon brought about a familiar chill that surrounded me. I looked around and realized that everything had come to a halt. The clouds gathered in one panoramic view, as if they were wishing the sun a pleasant farewell for the day. All the noises of the harried day seemed to have diminished and a soothing silence reigned over the place. As the sun sank beneath the horizon, the sky mingled hot colors with colds ones; bright orange, fading into dark blue. The soft pinks and pale creamy yellows melted away as the soft darkness brushed across the sky.
A chill ran through my spine as I witnessed this. The sun deserved a standing ovation. The majestic splendor of that moment overtook me and I could not help but let the tears roll down my cheeks. But I was not worried that anyone would see me cry. As the sky turned dark, it felt like a reassurance that all secrets shared within that moment would be locked away safely. The grass and trees were no more in clear view, they were given a silent permission to do as they liked. And so was I. It was the ending of the day for some, yet only the beginning for others. I felt the evening’s cold fingertips brush against my face and decided that it was time to head home. (grade:B)
Mrs Saunders’ comments
Both the sunrise and sunset evoke powerful feelings and a heightened awareness in the narrator. The freshness of the morning fills her with exhilaration and a sense of liberty.
Figurative language to describe the external world of nature (‘the grass held no secrets, the trees kept no hidden thoughts and the sky seized no clandestine hope’) gives us an idea of the internal world of her emotions and thoughts. She felt freedom and joy in sharing all her innermost secrets.
The mood of openness that she experiences at sunrise is finely contrasted with the mood of withdrawal at sunset. The narrator now feels the need to keep her thoughts and feelings private as conveyed in the imagery of ‘locked safely away’. The darkening sky is also an apt metaphor for her state of mind; in the same way the sky at dawn (‘the sky was beginning to get light’) set the atmosphere for her elation that morning.
Rahimah Salaesah Ibrahim (B20)
Write 2 contrasting descriptive pieces (between 300-450 words each) about 2 different times of the day and their effect on a particular place. In describing each time you should create clear contrasts in mood and atmosphere.
The Day
I watched the sun rise high in the sky, smiling down at us; I sat down on the grass, watching people passing by. Nearby flora was blooming, showing their bright attractive colors: purple royal, cerulean, aqua, olive green, sunburst yellow, auburn and fuchsia as if it was an eternal rainbow. The children were at the playground. Most of them were playing hide and seek, others were in the sandbox with their own tools and two girls were seen on the swing. The echoes of their laughter could be heard resonating in the park. Parents were on the side watching the children with blissful smiles on their faces. Suddenly a boy stumbled and started to cry. I stood up and took a step forward but a girl stopped in front of the crying boy and helped him up. They resumed playing after the boy had calmed down and I sat back, assured that everything was fine. At the center of the park, there was the great fountain, symbolizing unity and peace. Its white marble texture and goblet-like structure were enhanced by the gentle flowing of the crystal clear water; it gleamed softly as the golden rays rested on it. There were tourists nearby, each one of them was different yet the important thing was they were having a good time. Birds were seen flying and singing, the squirrels were jumping from tree to tree, bees were buzzing and butterflies flew around the flowers. On the bench, facing the fountain, there was an old woman feeding the pigeons and an old man reading the morning paper right beside her. The gentle wind passed by once in a while, carrying the soft sound of comfort. A small sigh escaped my lips. The day was full of life.
The Night
Sitting down on the bench, facing the fountain, I stare at the dark night. Everything is very different at night. The bright colorful flowers earlier that day are now lifeless and dull as if they have withered and died. The playground is completely empty like an old ghost town, everyone has already gone home and there is not a soul around. The swing squeaks as if there is a child swinging on it yet it is only the wind gently pushing it. The moon is the only source of light that brightens the dark area yet to me it is still dim. The big oak tree stands tall creating an immense shadow, hiding whatever creature or someone lurking beneath it. The fountain emits a faded blue glow, making the surroundings gloomier than ever and the sound of water flowing can be heard more clearly than in the day. Suddenly out of nowhere, a big white owl swoops down and snatches a rat that is feeding nearby the garbage. I follow the owl with my eyes and it lands on the big oak tree branch and swallows its prey whole. I gulped as it stares at me with its big yellow eyes then it flies away leaving me staring at a feather that has fallen and landed on the ground. The sounds of crickets in the night are the only sounds heard other than the sound of the flowing water. The bushes behind me suddenly rattle; it startles me, I turn around and stare at the bush and suddenly a black cat jumps out and sprints away. I blink. I stand up and start to walk; it is time to head back home. The cold wind carries dead leaves and the air feels so dry and so suffocating as it passes by. It is cold and chilly and everything in the night seems mysteriously dead. (grade: C+)
Mrs Saunders’Comments:
Rahimah’s essays show that a simple sentence structure (‘Birds were seen flying and singing, the squirrels were jumping from tree to tree, bees were buzzing and butterflies flew around the flowers’;. ‘Sitting down on the bench, facing the fountain, I stare at the dark night.’ ‘Everything is very different at night.’ ‘The bushes behind me suddenly rattle’) can describe a scene vividly and create atmosphere effectively.
‘The Day’ is written in the past tense, while ‘The Night’ in the present tense. Is there a difference in effect as a result of this? In your view, which tense works better? Why?
The details in ‘The Day’ are concrete (real; can be seen, heard and felt by our 5 senses) but she uses imagery once. Can you spot it?
A striking contrast in atmosphere in the playground has been created in a simple and direct way, in the closing sentence of each piece (‘The day was full of life. ‘/ ‘It is cold and chilly and everything in the night seems mysteriously dead.’)
Friday, June 6, 2008
Blk 1 AND Block 5: June Hols Homework
Paper 2, Section A: Narrative/Descriptive/Imaginative Writing
Choose ONE question. Your essay must be between 600-900 words.
1. Write 2 contrasting pieces (between 300-450 words each), one which describes a particular place at the end of a war or natural disaster and one which describes the way it looks after being rebuilt. In your writing you should try to bring out differences in mood and atmosphere. (Nov 2007)
2. Write 2 contrasting pieces (between 300-450 words each) describing a sunrise and a sunset over the same place on the same day. In your writing you should try to bring out differences in mood and atmosphere. (June 2007)
3. Write 2 contrasting pieces (between 300-450 words each) describing the same character when he/she is young and then old. In your writing you should try to bring out differences in the character’s appearance and outlook on life. (June 2006)
4. Write 2 contrasting descriptive pieces (between 300-450 words each) about 2 different times of the day and their effect on a particular place. In describing each time you should create clear contrasts in mood and atmosphere. (2004)
Please type your assignment if possible (using double spacing)
Deadline: Monday 30 June 2008
Choose ONE question. Your essay must be between 600-900 words.
1. Write 2 contrasting pieces (between 300-450 words each), one which describes a particular place at the end of a war or natural disaster and one which describes the way it looks after being rebuilt. In your writing you should try to bring out differences in mood and atmosphere. (Nov 2007)
2. Write 2 contrasting pieces (between 300-450 words each) describing a sunrise and a sunset over the same place on the same day. In your writing you should try to bring out differences in mood and atmosphere. (June 2007)
3. Write 2 contrasting pieces (between 300-450 words each) describing the same character when he/she is young and then old. In your writing you should try to bring out differences in the character’s appearance and outlook on life. (June 2006)
4. Write 2 contrasting descriptive pieces (between 300-450 words each) about 2 different times of the day and their effect on a particular place. In describing each time you should create clear contrasts in mood and atmosphere. (2004)
Please type your assignment if possible (using double spacing)
Deadline: Monday 30 June 2008
Blk 1: Model student assignments : DIRECTED WRITING - Based on extract from “The Road to Wigan Pier”
Assignment Question
Basing your answer closely on the style and language of the extract from “The Road to Wigan Pier’ write part of an account expressing your strong dislike of a place, person or thing. (120-150 words)
You may use as many of the following features as possible:
1. The second person pronoun
2. Comparison
3. Diction: superlatives, negative suffix (-less), strong adjectives
4. Irony
5. Parenthesis to share a thought informally with your reader
6. Sentence without a finite verb, only participles (lines 43-48) to highlight the strong presence of an unattractive thing.
Suriati Anak Anyut
An army of trucks, assembling a huge, gloomy building - a hotel to be. Similar to an army of ants building its nest. Except that this construction of a building is far more horrid than that of the timid ants’ nest.
If you pass the construction site, you will realize air is not the only thing that fills your lungs…but also dust. Dust from the loading and unloading of graves of gravel. The dryness of the atmosphere itself even has the potential to suffocate everyone. Grey piles of tiles. Grey pails of paint. Grey masses of timber wood. Grey sacks of harsh cement. They reflect how solid the product will soon be. And oh, the noise! It’s as if the sound of machine guns is being shot right through your eardrums! (Not to mention the killing potential is the same!). (140 words) [Grade: C+]
Tutor's Comments:
Basing your answer closely on the style and language of the extract from “The Road to Wigan Pier’ write part of an account expressing your strong dislike of a place, person or thing. (120-150 words)
You may use as many of the following features as possible:
1. The second person pronoun
2. Comparison
3. Diction: superlatives, negative suffix (-less), strong adjectives
4. Irony
5. Parenthesis to share a thought informally with your reader
6. Sentence without a finite verb, only participles (lines 43-48) to highlight the strong presence of an unattractive thing.
Suriati Anak Anyut
An army of trucks, assembling a huge, gloomy building - a hotel to be. Similar to an army of ants building its nest. Except that this construction of a building is far more horrid than that of the timid ants’ nest.
If you pass the construction site, you will realize air is not the only thing that fills your lungs…but also dust. Dust from the loading and unloading of graves of gravel. The dryness of the atmosphere itself even has the potential to suffocate everyone. Grey piles of tiles. Grey pails of paint. Grey masses of timber wood. Grey sacks of harsh cement. They reflect how solid the product will soon be. And oh, the noise! It’s as if the sound of machine guns is being shot right through your eardrums! (Not to mention the killing potential is the same!). (140 words) [Grade: C+]
Tutor's Comments:
Suriati has done a good job of applying all the features of style.
• Note the opening sentence has no finite verb, just the present participle ‘assembling’.
• Suriati has used comparison not once but twice. Can you spot the second one?
• The repetition of ‘grey’ in four short non-sentences and the alliterative "grey piles...grey pails" are very effective in reinforcing the dull and lifeless character of the building to be. They also convey the quiet disgust of the speaker as she surveys her immediate environment.
• Note the use of ‘even’ to stress the harmful effect of the dusty atmosphere.
• ‘And oh, the noise!’ is an acceptable adaption of that single short sentence in the original extract since she is not referring to smell.
• Note the use of parenthesis.
Diction: Strong adjectives - horrid, harsh; strong verbs - suffocate, shot right through
Now see how far each of the following answers below has used the 6 features of style in the list. Note also the strengths and individual style (the particular way the writer expresses his/her point of view) that make each work unique.
Amirul Hamizan
Antarctica, I would have to say, is the worst place you can ever live in. The place itself is an icy deathtrap; there is no way you can escape, you just have to learn to survive in the cold and tormenting environment. I imagine there are no animals or any living things except for the strange fishes under the ice and some polar bears ready to put you in their menu. All around, white icy flakes and sometimes stones of ice falling from the sky and the floor, so slippery and evil, waiting for someone to slip on it. It is as if Antarctica itself is an evil, cruel and cold serial killer just waiting for the right moment. No one but a bunch of crazy researchers would dare to live in its suicidal conditions. Well, simply put, you would agree with me when I say Antarctica is a much colder version of hell itself. (155 words) [Grade: B]
Jessica Tieng
Personally, I strongly despise judgmental people who see nothing wrong with themselves, yet see everything wrong with everyone else.
These judgmental, prejudiced and biased individuals make false assumptions and far-reaching pronouncements based on limited information. These brainless people decree what is right and wrong.
So basically if you look out for your own negative traits, you are less likely to sit in judgment over your fellow human beings, which will be all the better for you and them.
Yet judgmental people are far less worse than hypocrites who always seem to preach a certain belief or way of life but in fact they do hold these same virtues themselves
Just remember what William Shakespeare said, " Forbear to grudge, for we are sinners and all." (126 words) [Grade: B]
Haswan Hj Maidin
Our school canteen seems to be the dirtiest place in PTEB. The floor is decorated with sweet wrappers, tin cans, plastic containers and left-over food which apparently dominate the whole area so that you have to watch your feet! This litter (which can be seen almost anytime of the day) is so appalling that you could easily lose your appetite. But this is nothing compared to the horrid atmosphere of the toilets, from the distasteful smell to the dreadful sight of the unflushed toilets. The cubicles give a sinister feeling: a door with a broken lock, the dysfunctional toilet flush, the lifeless piece of pipe. Even the lights seem to be dim and scary as the hum of the toilet fan dominates the room. (124 words) (Grade: C+)
Here are 2 written pieces that are not based too closely on 6 listed features of language in the extract from ‘The Road to Wigan Pier’ but are nevertheless very effective in expressing disgust . Muizzah’s account is highly descriptive and vivid with an ironic observation in the closing sentence. Hamada does not adopt the cold and detached ironic tone found in the original passage. Instead she is amused at and affectionate towards her object of disgust, therefore the irony in her writing has a warm humorous quality.
Muizzah binti Kamal
As I entered the indoor fish market, the inevitable smell of fish predictably captivated my senses, and I cringed visibly. The air was thick with the nostalgic, salty scent of the seaside and the horribly offensive odor of dead fish. Walking along the stalls, I felt the growing dampness on my jeans. My gaze lingered on the mini drains which rivaled the large ones in the slums in lack of attention to hygiene. The drain was almost overflowing with substances which were unrecognizable since they did not show any signs of movement. The remnants of crabs and fish were mingling beautifully with the highly viscous, ash-coloured filth. The idea of running for the exit and abandoning Mother in her quest for a salmon was greatly tempting. The most disturbing thing was that the stall-keepers seemed oblivious to these facts.
(141 words) [Grade: B]
Hamadatun Najwa bt Yusuf Wahbi
After one year, I discover that my charming boyfriend has some amazingly disgusting habits. However, I still do love the guy despite my interesting encounter with him last week. Not even my guy friends show me their bad habits, and I've known them for a longer period. You would not imagine how revolting my lunch was that day. A strand of lamb meat stuck in between the teeth (I had already warned him that we were bound to get some meat stuck if we ordered lamb chop) in a mouth widely open with fingers meddling inside it struggling to remove the irritating piece of food remains. His face expressed the great strength he was using to take it out and showed much satisfaction after his successful attempt. What's worse came right after that. He took a glance at the pathetic strand, stayed motionless for two seconds before shrugging his shoulders, and then popped it right back into his mouth! It was absolutely appalling! (163 words) [Grade: B]
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Block 5: Essay Homework
Following the same process we have carried out over the last few lessons, write a discursive essay on the topic "Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones". This means mobile phones in general, not just in school.
Things to remember:
• Taking several lines of argument both for and against
• Expanding and developing the lines of argument
• Presenting lines of argument in an ordered fashion
• Giving evidence to support the lines of argument
• Linking coherently each line of argument
1.Remember to keep the balance between the two sides of the argument, positive and negative, maybe three different points on each side.
2. Express each of these in a topic sentence.
3. Put them in a reasonable order.
4. Expand on each one.
5. Link them together, both within and between paragraphs, with various linking words either to add another point (Furthermore, moreover, also) or to contrast a previous point (However, in contrast etc)
6. Insert an introduction, saying what you are going to be talking about, then a conclusion which is a summary of what you have said, followed by a personal viewpoint. Basically "Say what you're going to say, then say it, then say what you said!"
As a rough guideline, you should write about 600 words, with 10% intro (approx 60 words), 80% main body (approx 480-500 words i.e. about 80 words per line of argument) 10% conclusion (another 60 words).
Things to remember:
• Taking several lines of argument both for and against
• Expanding and developing the lines of argument
• Presenting lines of argument in an ordered fashion
• Giving evidence to support the lines of argument
• Linking coherently each line of argument
1.Remember to keep the balance between the two sides of the argument, positive and negative, maybe three different points on each side.
2. Express each of these in a topic sentence.
3. Put them in a reasonable order.
4. Expand on each one.
5. Link them together, both within and between paragraphs, with various linking words either to add another point (Furthermore, moreover, also) or to contrast a previous point (However, in contrast etc)
6. Insert an introduction, saying what you are going to be talking about, then a conclusion which is a summary of what you have said, followed by a personal viewpoint. Basically "Say what you're going to say, then say it, then say what you said!"
As a rough guideline, you should write about 600 words, with 10% intro (approx 60 words), 80% main body (approx 480-500 words i.e. about 80 words per line of argument) 10% conclusion (another 60 words).
Monday, May 26, 2008
The Language of Advertising
The text of the advertisement below appeared in the Radio Times.
Have you?
The value of experience
Well have you? You know, been there, done that
Anyone who tells you the world’s getting smaller hasn’t driven a Suzuki lately. For over 30 years, Suzuki 4 X 4s have been expanding drivers’ horizons, taking them as far as their imagination leads them. And sometimes beyond. For real adventures, you need a real 4 X 4.
Underneath that smoothly-contoured body shell, the Grand Vitara is pure, uncompromising, off-road engineering with a ladder-frame chassis that’s strong enough and durable enough to take on the toughest of terrains. Long-travel suspension and high ground clearance let you ride easily over rocks, ruts and river-beds. The Drive Select 4 X 4 system, giving you all the traction and control you need – with an effortless switch to 2WD when you get back on the tarmac. You can choose from 2.0 litre petrol and Turbo Diesel engines or a gutsy 2.5 V6. Whatever Mother Nature’s throwing at you outside, inside it’s all comfort, space and relaxation. And wherever life takes you, the Grand Vitara offers unparalleled safety, comfort and driver satisfaction, all at a price that’s a world away from other 4 X 4s. If you expect a lot from your car, we expect your call on 01892-707007.
How do we set about analysing an advertisement? Firstly we need to understand that this is persuasive writing. The author is trying to persuade us to buy something; in this case a car. Advertisers typically like to create needs in us; make us feel that our lives are incomplete unless we buy what they are selling. Very often it's a need we never knew we had.
Look at the heading and the questions. What need is the advertisement creating? Why are there so many questions? Why does the advertisement address the reader directly using you? Why does the author use value and experience? What is the purpose of been there, done that? What tone does all of this create?
In the main body contrast smaller with expanding, as far as, horizons, beyond., What has allowed people to lead a less restricted lifestyle? What is the only thing stopping you achieving this less restricted lifestyle? What's the importance of 30 years? Why is real repeated and what does it contrast with? What, therefore, will buying a Suzuki do for you? What does buying a Suzuki promise you?
Is there a non-sentence in the first paragraph? What is its effect?
In the next paragraph look at the compound modifiers smoothly-contoured, off-road, ladder-frame, long-travel. What do they mean? What are the words that they modify? What do those words mean? If you don't know, it's all jargon (find the meaning of this word). If you do know it's terminology (find its meaning). In either case, what is the effect of these phrases? Do they sound technical and impressive? What then is a drive select 4 X 4 system?
Can you spot a nice piece of alliteration? What effect does that have?
Do we have choice? How? Is the driver in complete control? How?
Find other words in the same lexical field as easily. What effect do they have?
Do the same for pure.
What effect does world away have? Does it echo another part of the advertisement?
Comment on the structure of the final sentence.
Did you find the word need anywhere? It would be very surprising not to find it somewhere.
Contrast the world outside the Suzuki with the one inside it.
Does the writer use contractions? What is their effect?
Can we say anything about sentence length?
Advertisers often hit us with a hard-sell, after all they are spending good money trying to get us to spend ours. Is there a hard-sell anywhere here? If so, how is it achieved?
Think about the audience in terms of age, gender, social status, professional status, income, aspirations and lifestyle. Now, when you are stuck in a huge traffic jam on your way to your boring dead-end job, where are you in your mind? Do you think that owning a Suzuki gives you freedom and choice and control over your life?
Have you?
The value of experience
Well have you? You know, been there, done that
Anyone who tells you the world’s getting smaller hasn’t driven a Suzuki lately. For over 30 years, Suzuki 4 X 4s have been expanding drivers’ horizons, taking them as far as their imagination leads them. And sometimes beyond. For real adventures, you need a real 4 X 4.
Underneath that smoothly-contoured body shell, the Grand Vitara is pure, uncompromising, off-road engineering with a ladder-frame chassis that’s strong enough and durable enough to take on the toughest of terrains. Long-travel suspension and high ground clearance let you ride easily over rocks, ruts and river-beds. The Drive Select 4 X 4 system, giving you all the traction and control you need – with an effortless switch to 2WD when you get back on the tarmac. You can choose from 2.0 litre petrol and Turbo Diesel engines or a gutsy 2.5 V6. Whatever Mother Nature’s throwing at you outside, inside it’s all comfort, space and relaxation. And wherever life takes you, the Grand Vitara offers unparalleled safety, comfort and driver satisfaction, all at a price that’s a world away from other 4 X 4s. If you expect a lot from your car, we expect your call on 01892-707007.
How do we set about analysing an advertisement? Firstly we need to understand that this is persuasive writing. The author is trying to persuade us to buy something; in this case a car. Advertisers typically like to create needs in us; make us feel that our lives are incomplete unless we buy what they are selling. Very often it's a need we never knew we had.
Look at the heading and the questions. What need is the advertisement creating? Why are there so many questions? Why does the advertisement address the reader directly using you? Why does the author use value and experience? What is the purpose of been there, done that? What tone does all of this create?
In the main body contrast smaller with expanding, as far as, horizons, beyond., What has allowed people to lead a less restricted lifestyle? What is the only thing stopping you achieving this less restricted lifestyle? What's the importance of 30 years? Why is real repeated and what does it contrast with? What, therefore, will buying a Suzuki do for you? What does buying a Suzuki promise you?
Is there a non-sentence in the first paragraph? What is its effect?
In the next paragraph look at the compound modifiers smoothly-contoured, off-road, ladder-frame, long-travel. What do they mean? What are the words that they modify? What do those words mean? If you don't know, it's all jargon (find the meaning of this word). If you do know it's terminology (find its meaning). In either case, what is the effect of these phrases? Do they sound technical and impressive? What then is a drive select 4 X 4 system?
Can you spot a nice piece of alliteration? What effect does that have?
Do we have choice? How? Is the driver in complete control? How?
Find other words in the same lexical field as easily. What effect do they have?
Do the same for pure.
What effect does world away have? Does it echo another part of the advertisement?
Comment on the structure of the final sentence.
Did you find the word need anywhere? It would be very surprising not to find it somewhere.
Contrast the world outside the Suzuki with the one inside it.
Does the writer use contractions? What is their effect?
Can we say anything about sentence length?
Advertisers often hit us with a hard-sell, after all they are spending good money trying to get us to spend ours. Is there a hard-sell anywhere here? If so, how is it achieved?
Think about the audience in terms of age, gender, social status, professional status, income, aspirations and lifestyle. Now, when you are stuck in a huge traffic jam on your way to your boring dead-end job, where are you in your mind? Do you think that owning a Suzuki gives you freedom and choice and control over your life?
Advice for Writers
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying assonance
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are neither apropos nor de rigueur.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Avoid ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. DO NOT use exclamation points and all caps to emphasize!!!
24. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
25. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
26. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
27. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
28. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
31. The passive voice should never be used.
32. A writer must not shift your point of view.
33. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
34. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
35. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
36. Be careful to use the rite homonym.
37. Take care to spel werds corectly
38. And Finally...Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying assonance
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are neither apropos nor de rigueur.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Avoid ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. DO NOT use exclamation points and all caps to emphasize!!!
24. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
25. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
26. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
27. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
28. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
31. The passive voice should never be used.
32. A writer must not shift your point of view.
33. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
34. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
35. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
36. Be careful to use the rite homonym.
37. Take care to spel werds corectly
38. And Finally...Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
L6th EAS Assessment 1. May 2007
Commentary on the text taken from George Orwell’s “The Road to Wigan Pier”
This text from George Orwell’s “The Road to Wigan Pier” is in the genre of a report or a social commentary/critique. His purpose is to bring to light or expose the conditions suffered by the working people in the North of England. The audience is likely to be the general public, but more specifically the government. Its tone therefore is critical, descriptive and provocative.
The first paragraph characterizes the South, East and Midlands of England as comfortably bland and uniform, through the use of such lexical items as “accustomed to”, “not much difference”, “not unlike” and “indistinguishable”. He then provides a stark contrast to this with his description of the towns of the North. The repetition of words such as “ugliness” and the use of adjectives like “frightful” and “arresting” heightens the terrible contrast between these comfortable pleasant towns of the rest of England, and those of the North.
The second paragraph consists of a description of Wigan. He uses a myriad of adjectives to describe the terrible scene he witnesses, such as “hideous, planless, functionless, frightful, evil.” All of these combine to create an image of a horrific environment. In the first line he uses the contradictory term “at best” along with the word "hideous" to show that the word is not enough to describe the scene of the slag-heap. That is indeed the best thing which can be said about it.
The simile “like the emptying of a giant’s dustbin” gives us an image of the huge size of the slag-heap. Adjectives such as “jagged” convey a harsh, sharp image of the scene. He then creates an image of hell with the use of the alliterative metaphor “red rivulets of fire, winding this way and that.” The never-ending nature of this horror is emphasized through the description of the “blue flames of sulphur, which always seem on the point of expiring and always spring out again.” There is no relief, no respite from the misery. These slag-heaps will also still be visible “centuries hence”. In the phrase “evil brown grass” he uses personification to show that even natural elements such as grass have this horrible characteristic. The fact that slag-heaps are used as playgrounds seems incongruous, almost ironic. These slag-heaps are compared with the use of a simile to the sharp peaks of “a choppy sea, suddenly frozen” or a metaphor with his depiction of an uncomfortable lumpy “flock mattress”.
In the third paragraph he recalls one particular winter afternoon in Wigan. he uses the alliterative metaphor “lunar landscape” to give the image of a barren, almost alien environment. There is no vegetation, just “cinders” and “frozen mud”. This environment is “criss-crossed by the imprint of innumerable clogs“ the alliteration generating the image of many people suffering under these harsh conditions. The “flashes – pools of stagnant water” intensify the image of this horrific place, as they were covered with “ice, the colour of raw umber”. You might, under normal conditions expect ice to clear or white, but not in this environment. There is an example of personification where the “lock gates wore beards of ice” emphasizing the image of this cold, barren land, from which “vegetation had been banished.”
However, all of this pales in comparison to Sheffield, as evidenced by the use of the intensifier “even”. It is “the ugliest town in the Old World”, with very few decent buildings, even compared to the average East Anglian village of only 500 inhabitants. Ironically, the inhabitants seem to be almost proud of this accolade. The exclamation mark after “…stench!” intensifies the already strong meaning of the word. There is some irony in the fact that even when the sulphur smell is not present, you smell gas. There is no respite, no relief from the unrelenting misery. “The shallow river…is usually bright yellow” and one might normally expect something yellow to be bright, primary and natural, however here, the yellow comes from “some chemical or other”. Throughout the text, Orwell uses colour imagery, “grey mountains…red rivulets…blue flames…brown grass…raw umber…bright yellow…dark red…blackened…blackish… red and yellow brick…rosy…redlit boys” to heighten the vivid effect of his imagery. Even the primary colours are indicative of something horrible.
The description of the thirty-three chimneys is heightened by the fact that it was only the smoke which hindered his view of many more. Further use of lexis such as “frightful…squalor…littered…gaunt” further increase the impression of impoverishment. His ironic use of the word “vista” to describe the ugly panorama is intensified by the repetition of “chimneys, chimney beyond chimney”.
The last paragraph gives us an image of Sheffield at night, a hideous place where there is nothing but “blackness” and the oxymoronic “sinister magnificence.“ The “serrated flames, like circular saws” reprises the “jagged” image from the description of Wigan. Orwell personifies the smoke and flames which “squeeze themselves”, as if they were alive. The vision of hell is once again highlighted with “fiery serpents” and “redlit boys”, and further intensified with the onomatopoeic “whiz, thump…scream.”
Orwell, through his cumulative use of imagery created by a variety of lexis, paints a picture of unmitigated horror. It is clear that his writing was intended to have a very strong effect on his audience.
This text from George Orwell’s “The Road to Wigan Pier” is in the genre of a report or a social commentary/critique. His purpose is to bring to light or expose the conditions suffered by the working people in the North of England. The audience is likely to be the general public, but more specifically the government. Its tone therefore is critical, descriptive and provocative.
The first paragraph characterizes the South, East and Midlands of England as comfortably bland and uniform, through the use of such lexical items as “accustomed to”, “not much difference”, “not unlike” and “indistinguishable”. He then provides a stark contrast to this with his description of the towns of the North. The repetition of words such as “ugliness” and the use of adjectives like “frightful” and “arresting” heightens the terrible contrast between these comfortable pleasant towns of the rest of England, and those of the North.
The second paragraph consists of a description of Wigan. He uses a myriad of adjectives to describe the terrible scene he witnesses, such as “hideous, planless, functionless, frightful, evil.” All of these combine to create an image of a horrific environment. In the first line he uses the contradictory term “at best” along with the word "hideous" to show that the word is not enough to describe the scene of the slag-heap. That is indeed the best thing which can be said about it.
The simile “like the emptying of a giant’s dustbin” gives us an image of the huge size of the slag-heap. Adjectives such as “jagged” convey a harsh, sharp image of the scene. He then creates an image of hell with the use of the alliterative metaphor “red rivulets of fire, winding this way and that.” The never-ending nature of this horror is emphasized through the description of the “blue flames of sulphur, which always seem on the point of expiring and always spring out again.” There is no relief, no respite from the misery. These slag-heaps will also still be visible “centuries hence”. In the phrase “evil brown grass” he uses personification to show that even natural elements such as grass have this horrible characteristic. The fact that slag-heaps are used as playgrounds seems incongruous, almost ironic. These slag-heaps are compared with the use of a simile to the sharp peaks of “a choppy sea, suddenly frozen” or a metaphor with his depiction of an uncomfortable lumpy “flock mattress”.
In the third paragraph he recalls one particular winter afternoon in Wigan. he uses the alliterative metaphor “lunar landscape” to give the image of a barren, almost alien environment. There is no vegetation, just “cinders” and “frozen mud”. This environment is “criss-crossed by the imprint of innumerable clogs“ the alliteration generating the image of many people suffering under these harsh conditions. The “flashes – pools of stagnant water” intensify the image of this horrific place, as they were covered with “ice, the colour of raw umber”. You might, under normal conditions expect ice to clear or white, but not in this environment. There is an example of personification where the “lock gates wore beards of ice” emphasizing the image of this cold, barren land, from which “vegetation had been banished.”
However, all of this pales in comparison to Sheffield, as evidenced by the use of the intensifier “even”. It is “the ugliest town in the Old World”, with very few decent buildings, even compared to the average East Anglian village of only 500 inhabitants. Ironically, the inhabitants seem to be almost proud of this accolade. The exclamation mark after “…stench!” intensifies the already strong meaning of the word. There is some irony in the fact that even when the sulphur smell is not present, you smell gas. There is no respite, no relief from the unrelenting misery. “The shallow river…is usually bright yellow” and one might normally expect something yellow to be bright, primary and natural, however here, the yellow comes from “some chemical or other”. Throughout the text, Orwell uses colour imagery, “grey mountains…red rivulets…blue flames…brown grass…raw umber…bright yellow…dark red…blackened…blackish… red and yellow brick…rosy…redlit boys” to heighten the vivid effect of his imagery. Even the primary colours are indicative of something horrible.
The description of the thirty-three chimneys is heightened by the fact that it was only the smoke which hindered his view of many more. Further use of lexis such as “frightful…squalor…littered…gaunt” further increase the impression of impoverishment. His ironic use of the word “vista” to describe the ugly panorama is intensified by the repetition of “chimneys, chimney beyond chimney”.
The last paragraph gives us an image of Sheffield at night, a hideous place where there is nothing but “blackness” and the oxymoronic “sinister magnificence.“ The “serrated flames, like circular saws” reprises the “jagged” image from the description of Wigan. Orwell personifies the smoke and flames which “squeeze themselves”, as if they were alive. The vision of hell is once again highlighted with “fiery serpents” and “redlit boys”, and further intensified with the onomatopoeic “whiz, thump…scream.”
Orwell, through his cumulative use of imagery created by a variety of lexis, paints a picture of unmitigated horror. It is clear that his writing was intended to have a very strong effect on his audience.
Monday, May 5, 2008
George Orwell
If you are interested in reading more about this writer, here is a brief (well, actually, it's quite long!!) biography. I will post a model commentary for the assessment text as soon as everyone has completed it, in a day or two.
AK
George Orwell
George Orwell is the pen name of Eric Arthur Blair (25 June 1903[1][2] – 21 January 1950) who was an English writer and journalist well-noted as a novelist, critic, and commentator on politics and culture.
George Orwell is one of the most admired English-language essayists of the twentieth century, and most famous for two novels critical of totalitarianism in general (Nineteen Eighty-Four), and Stalinism in particular (Animal Farm), which he wrote and published towards the end of his life.
Early life
Eric Arthur Blair was born on 25 June 1903 to British parents[3] in Motihari, Bengal Presidency, British India. His father, Richard Walmesley Blair, worked in the Opium Department of the Civil Service. His mother, Ida Mabel Blair (née Limouzin), took him to England when he was one year old. He did not see his father again until 1907, during Richard's three-month visit to England. Eric had two sisters; Marjorie, the elder, and Avril, the younger. He later described his family as "lower-upper-middle class".[4]
Education
At six, Eric attended the Anglican parish school in Henley-on-Thames, where he impressed the teachers. Blair's mother wanted him to have a good public school education, but the family finances were against this unless he could obtain a scholarship. Her brother Charles Limouzin, who lived on the South Coast, recommended St Cyprian's School, Eastbourne, Sussex. The headmaster undertook to help Blair to win a scholarship, and made a private financial arrangement which allowed Blair's parents to pay only half the normal fees. At the school, Blair formed a life-long friendship with Cyril Connolly (future editor of Horizon magazine, who later published many of his essays). Years later, Blair mordantly recalled the school in the essay "Such, Such Were the Joys". However, while there he wrote two poems that were published in his local newspaper, came second to Connolly in the Harrow History Prize, had his work praised by the school's external examiner, and earned scholarships to Wellington and Eton.
After a term at Wellington College, Blair transferred to Eton College, where he was a King's Scholar (1917–1921), and Aldous Huxley was his French tutor. Later, Blair wrote of having been relatively happy at Eton, because it allowed students much independence. His academic performance reports indicate that he ceased serious work there, and various explanations have been offered for this. His parents could not afford to send him to Oxbridge without another scholarship, and they concluded from the poor results that he would not be able to obtain one.
Burma and the early novels
On finishing school at Eton, the family could not finance university; his father thought his scholarship prospects poor, so, in 1922, Eric Arthur Blair joined the Indian Imperial Police, serving at Katha and Moulmein in Burma. His imperial policeman's life led him to hate imperialism; on leave in England, he resigned from the Indian Imperial Police in 1927, to become a writer.
The Burma police experience yielded the novel Burmese Days (1934) and the essays "A Hanging" (1931) and "Shooting an Elephant" (1936). In England, he wrote to family acquaintance, Ruth Pitter and she and a friend found him rooms in Portobello Road (today, a blue plaque commemorates his residence there), where he began writing. From there, he sallied to the Limehouse Causeway (following Jack London's footsteps) spending his first night in a common lodging house, probably George Levy's 'kip'. For a while he "went native" (in his own country), dressing like a tramp, making no concessions to middle class mores and expectations, and recorded his experiences of the low life in "The Spike", his first published essay, and the latter half of his first book, Down and Out in Paris and London (1933).
He moved to Paris in spring of 1928, where his Aunt Nellie lived (and later died), hoping to earn a freelance writer's living; failure reduced him to menial jobs such as dishwasher in the fashionable Hotel X, on the rue de Rivoli in 1929, all told in Down and Out in Paris and London. The record does not indicate if he had the book in mind as the terminus of those low life experiences.
In later 1929, he returned to England, to his parents' house in Southwold, Suffolk, ill and penniless, where he wrote Burmese Days, and also frequently foraying to tramping in researching a book on the life of society's poorest people. Meanwhile, he regularly contributed to John Middleton Murry's New Adelphi magazine.
He completed Down and Out in Paris and London in 1932; it was published early the next year, while he taught at Frays College, near Hayes, Middlesex. He took the job to escape dire poverty; during this period, he obtained the literary agent services of Leonard Moore. Just before publication of Down and Out in Paris and London, Eric Arthur Blair adopted the nom de plume George Orwell. In a letter to Moore (dated 15 November) he left the choice of pseudonym to him and to publisher Victor Gollancz. Four days later, he wrote to Moore, suggesting these pseudonyms: P. S. Burton (a tramping name), Kenneth Miles, George Orwell, and H. Lewis Allways.[5]
As a writer, George Orwell drew upon his life as a teacher and on life in Southwold for the novel A Clergyman's Daughter (1935), written in 1934 at his parents' house after sickness and parental urging forced his foregoing the teaching life. From late 1934 to early 1936 he was a part-time assistant in the Booklover's Corner, a second-hand bookshop in Hampstead. Having led a lonely, solitary existence, he wanted to enjoy the company of young writers; Hampstead was an intellectual's town with many houses offering cheap bedsit rooms. Those experiences germinated into the novel Keep the Aspidistra Flying (1936).
The Road to Wigan Pier
In early 1936, Victor Gollancz, of the Left Book Club, commissioned George Orwell to write an account of working class poverty in economically depressed northern England. His account, The Road to Wigan Pier was published in 1937. Orwell did his leg-and-homework as a social reporter: he gained entry to many houses in Wigan to see how people lived; took systematic notes of housing conditions and wages earned; and spent days in the local public library consulting public health records and reports on mine working conditions.
The first half of The Road to Wigan Pier documents his social investigations of Lancashire and Yorkshire. It begins with an evocative description of working life in the coal mines. The second half is a long essay of his upbringing, and the development of his political conscience, including a denunciation of the Left's irresponsible elements. Publisher Gollancz feared the second half would offend Left Book Club readers; he inserted a mollifying preface to the book while Orwell was in Spain.
Soon after researching the The Road to Wigan Pier, George Orwell married Eileen O'Shaughnessy.
The Spanish Civil War, and Catalonia
In December 1936, Orwell went to Spain as a fighter for the Republican side in the Spanish Civil War that was provoked by Francisco Franco's Fascist uprising. In conversation with Philip Mairet, editor of New English Weekly, Orwell said: 'This fascism . . . somebody's got to stop it'. [6] To Orwell, liberty and democracy went together, guaranteeing, among other things, the freedom of the artist; the present capitalist civilization was corrupt, but fascism would be morally calamitous.
John McNair (1887–1968), quotes him: 'He then said that this [writing a book] was quite secondary, and [that] his main reason for coming was to fight against Fascism'. Orwell went alone; his wife, Eileen, joined him later. He joined the Independent Labour Party contingent, which consisted of some twenty-five Britons who had joined the militia of the Workers' Party of Marxist Unification (POUM - Partido Obrero de Unificación Marxista), a revolutionary communist party. The POUM, and the radical wing of the anarcho-syndicalist CNT (Catalonia's dominant left-wing force), believed General Franco could be defeated only if the Republic's working class overthrew capitalism — a position at fundamental odds with the Spanish Communist Party, and its allies, which (backed by Soviet arms and aid) argued for a coalition with the bourgeois parties to defeat the fascist Nationalists. After July 1936 there was profound social revolution in Catalonia, Aragón, and wherever the CNT was strong, an egalitarian spirit sympathetically described in Homage to Catalonia.
Fortuitously, Orwell joined the POUM, rather than the Communist International Brigades, but his experiences — especially his and Eileen's narrow escaping a June 1937 Communist purge in Barcelona — much increased his sympathies for the POUM, making him a life-long anti-Stalinist and firm believer in what he termed Democratic Socialism, socialism with free debate and free elections.
In combat, Orwell was shot through the neck and nearly killed. At first, he feared his voice would be reduced to a permanent, painful whisper; this was not to be so, though the injury affected his voice, giving it "a strange, compelling quietness". [7] He wrote in Homage to Catalonia that people frequently told him he was lucky to survive, but that he personally thought "it would be even luckier not to be hit at all".
George and Eileen Orwell then lived in Morocco for half a year so he could recover from his wound. In that time, he wrote Coming Up for Air, his last novel before World War II. It is the most English of his novels; alarums of war mingle with images of idyllic Thames-side Edwardian childhood of protagonist George Bowling. The novel is pessimistic; industrialism and capitalism have killed the best of Old England, and there were great, new external threats. In homely terms, Bowling posits the totalitarian hypotheses of Borkenau, Orwell, Silone and Koestler: "Old Hitler's something different. So's Joe Stalin. They aren't like these chaps in the old days who crucified people and chopped their heads off and so forth, just for the fun of it . . . They're something quite new — something that's never been heard of before".
World War II and Animal Farm
After the Spanish ordeal, and writing about it, Orwell's formation ended; his finest writing, best essays, and great fame lay ahead. In 1940, Orwell closed his Wallington house, and he and Eileen moved to No. 18 Dorset Chambers, Chagford Street, in the genteel Marylebone neighbourhood near Regent's Park, central London, Orwell supporting himself as a freelance reviewer for the New English Weekly (mainly), Time and Tide, and the New Statesman. Soon after the war began, he joined the Home Guard (and was awarded the "British Campaign Medals/Defence Medal") attending Tom Wintringham's home guard school and championing Wintringham's socialist vision for the Home Guard.
In 1941, Orwell worked for BBC's Eastern Service, supervising Indian broadcasts meant to stimulate India's war participation against the approaching Japanese army. About being a propagandist, he wrote of feeling like "an orange that's been trodden on by a very dirty boot". Still, he devoted much effort to the opportunity of working closely with the likes of T. S. Eliot, E. M. Forster, Mulk Raj Anand, and William Empson; the war-time Ministry of Information, at Senate House, University of London, inspired the Ministry of Truth in the novel Nineteen Eighty-Four.
Orwell's BBC resignation followed a report confirming his fears about the broadcasts: few Indians listened. He wanted to become a war correspondent, and was impatient to begin working on Animal Farm. Despite the good salary, he resigned from BBC in September 1943, and in November became literary editor of the left-wing weekly magazine Tribune, then edited by Aneurin Bevan and Jon Kimche (Kimche had been Box to Orwell's Cox when they were half-time assistants at the Booklover's Corner book shop in Hampstead, 1934–35). Orwell was on staff until early 1945, writing the regular column "As I Please". Anthony Powell and Malcolm Muggeridge had returned from overseas to finish the war in London; the three regularly lunched together at either the Bodega, off the Strand, or the Bourgogne, in Soho, sometimes joined by Julian Symons (then seemingly true disciple to Orwell) and David Astor, editor-owner of The Observer.
In 1944, Orwell finished the anti-Stalinist allegory Animal Farm published (Britain, 17 August 1945, U.S., 26 August 1946) to critical and popular success. Harcourt Brace Editor Frank Morley went to Britain soon after the war to learn what currently interested readers, clerking a week or so at the Cambridge book shop Bowes and Bowes. The first day, customers continually requested a sold-out book — the second impression of Animal Farm; on reading the shop's remaining copy, he went to London and bought the American publishing rights; the royalties were George Orwell's first, proper, adult income.
With Animal Farm at the printer's, with war's end in view, Orwell's desire to be in the thick of the action quickened. David Astor asked him to be the Observer war correspondent reporting the liberation of France and the early occupation of Germany; Orwell quit Tribune.
He and Astor were close; Astor is believed to be the model for the rich publisher in Keep the Aspidistra Flying; Orwell strongly influenced Astor's editorial policies. Astor died in 2001 and is buried in the grave beside Orwell's. Orwell never revealed his pen name, keeping his identity secret and thinking his work did not need a revealed author.
Nineteen Eighty-Four and final years
Orwell and his wife adopted a baby boy, Richard Horatio Blair, born in May 1944. Orwell was taken ill again in Cologne in spring 1945. While he was sick there, his wife died in Newcastle during an operation to remove a tumour. She had not told him about this operation due to concerns about the cost and the fact that she thought she would make a speedy recovery.
For the next four years Orwell mixed journalistic work — mainly for the Tribune, the Observer and the Manchester Evening News, though he also contributed to many small-circulation political and literary magazines — with writing his best-known work, Nineteen Eighty-Four, which was published in 1949. Originally, Orwell was undecided between titling the book The Last Man in Europe and Nineteen Eighty-Four but his publisher, Fredric Warburg, helped him choose. The title was not the year Orwell had initially intended. He first set his story in 1980, but, as the time taken to write the book dragged on (partly because of his illness), that was changed to 1982 and, later, to 1984.[8]
He wrote much of the novel while living at Barnhill,[9] a remote farmhouse on the island of Jura which lies in the Gulf stream off the west coast of Scotland. It was an abandoned farmhouse with outbuildings near to the northern end of the island, situated at the end of a five-mile (8 km), heavily rutted track from Ardlussa, where the laird, or landowner, Margaret Fletcher lived, and where the paved road, the only one on the island, came to an end.
In 1948, he co-edited a collection entitled British Pamphleteers with Reginald Reynolds.
In 1949, Orwell was approached by a friend, Celia Kirwan, who had just started working for a Foreign Office unit, the Information Research Department, which the Labour government had set up to publish anti-communist propaganda. He gave her a list of 37 writers and artists he considered to be unsuitable as IRD authors because of their pro-communist leanings. The list, not published until 2003, consists mainly of journalists (among them the editor of the New Statesman, Kingsley Martin) but also includes the actors Michael Redgrave and Charlie Chaplin. Orwell's motives for handing over the list are unclear, but the most likely explanation is the simplest: that he was helping a friend in a cause — anti-Stalinism — that they both supported. There is no indication that Orwell abandoned the democratic socialism that he consistently promoted in his later writings — or that he believed the writers he named should be suppressed. Orwell's list was also accurate: the people on it had all made pro-Soviet or pro-communist public pronouncements. In fact, one of the people on the list, Peter Smollett, the head of the Soviet section in the Ministry of Information, was later (after the opening of KGB archives) proven to be a Soviet agent, recruited by Kim Philby, and "almost certainly the person on whose advice the publisher Jonathan Cape turned down Animal Farm as an unhealthily anti-Soviet text", although Orwell was unaware of this.[10]
In October 1949, shortly before his death, he married Sonia Brownell. [11]
Death
Orwell died in London from tuberculosis, at the age of 46. [12] He was in and out of hospitals for the last three years of his life. Having requested burial in accordance with the Anglican rite, he was interred in All Saints' Churchyard, Sutton Courtenay, Oxfordshire with the simple epitaph: "Here lies Eric Arthur Blair, born June 25, 1903, died January 21, 1950"; no mention is made on the gravestone of his more famous pen-name. He had wanted to be buried in the graveyard of the closest church to wherever he happened to die, but the graveyards in central London had no space. Fearing that he might have to be cremated, against his wishes, his widow appealed to his friends to see if any of them knew of a church with space in its graveyard. Orwell's friend David Astor lived in Sutton Courtenay and negotiated with the vicar for Orwell to be buried there, although he had no connection with the village.
Orwell's son, Richard Blair, was raised by an aunt after his father's death. He maintains a low public profile, though he has occasionally given interviews about the few memories he has of his father. Blair worked for many years as an agricultural agent for the British government.
AK
George Orwell
George Orwell is the pen name of Eric Arthur Blair (25 June 1903[1][2] – 21 January 1950) who was an English writer and journalist well-noted as a novelist, critic, and commentator on politics and culture.
George Orwell is one of the most admired English-language essayists of the twentieth century, and most famous for two novels critical of totalitarianism in general (Nineteen Eighty-Four), and Stalinism in particular (Animal Farm), which he wrote and published towards the end of his life.
Early life
Eric Arthur Blair was born on 25 June 1903 to British parents[3] in Motihari, Bengal Presidency, British India. His father, Richard Walmesley Blair, worked in the Opium Department of the Civil Service. His mother, Ida Mabel Blair (née Limouzin), took him to England when he was one year old. He did not see his father again until 1907, during Richard's three-month visit to England. Eric had two sisters; Marjorie, the elder, and Avril, the younger. He later described his family as "lower-upper-middle class".[4]
Education
At six, Eric attended the Anglican parish school in Henley-on-Thames, where he impressed the teachers. Blair's mother wanted him to have a good public school education, but the family finances were against this unless he could obtain a scholarship. Her brother Charles Limouzin, who lived on the South Coast, recommended St Cyprian's School, Eastbourne, Sussex. The headmaster undertook to help Blair to win a scholarship, and made a private financial arrangement which allowed Blair's parents to pay only half the normal fees. At the school, Blair formed a life-long friendship with Cyril Connolly (future editor of Horizon magazine, who later published many of his essays). Years later, Blair mordantly recalled the school in the essay "Such, Such Were the Joys". However, while there he wrote two poems that were published in his local newspaper, came second to Connolly in the Harrow History Prize, had his work praised by the school's external examiner, and earned scholarships to Wellington and Eton.
After a term at Wellington College, Blair transferred to Eton College, where he was a King's Scholar (1917–1921), and Aldous Huxley was his French tutor. Later, Blair wrote of having been relatively happy at Eton, because it allowed students much independence. His academic performance reports indicate that he ceased serious work there, and various explanations have been offered for this. His parents could not afford to send him to Oxbridge without another scholarship, and they concluded from the poor results that he would not be able to obtain one.
Burma and the early novels
On finishing school at Eton, the family could not finance university; his father thought his scholarship prospects poor, so, in 1922, Eric Arthur Blair joined the Indian Imperial Police, serving at Katha and Moulmein in Burma. His imperial policeman's life led him to hate imperialism; on leave in England, he resigned from the Indian Imperial Police in 1927, to become a writer.
The Burma police experience yielded the novel Burmese Days (1934) and the essays "A Hanging" (1931) and "Shooting an Elephant" (1936). In England, he wrote to family acquaintance, Ruth Pitter and she and a friend found him rooms in Portobello Road (today, a blue plaque commemorates his residence there), where he began writing. From there, he sallied to the Limehouse Causeway (following Jack London's footsteps) spending his first night in a common lodging house, probably George Levy's 'kip'. For a while he "went native" (in his own country), dressing like a tramp, making no concessions to middle class mores and expectations, and recorded his experiences of the low life in "The Spike", his first published essay, and the latter half of his first book, Down and Out in Paris and London (1933).
He moved to Paris in spring of 1928, where his Aunt Nellie lived (and later died), hoping to earn a freelance writer's living; failure reduced him to menial jobs such as dishwasher in the fashionable Hotel X, on the rue de Rivoli in 1929, all told in Down and Out in Paris and London. The record does not indicate if he had the book in mind as the terminus of those low life experiences.
In later 1929, he returned to England, to his parents' house in Southwold, Suffolk, ill and penniless, where he wrote Burmese Days, and also frequently foraying to tramping in researching a book on the life of society's poorest people. Meanwhile, he regularly contributed to John Middleton Murry's New Adelphi magazine.
He completed Down and Out in Paris and London in 1932; it was published early the next year, while he taught at Frays College, near Hayes, Middlesex. He took the job to escape dire poverty; during this period, he obtained the literary agent services of Leonard Moore. Just before publication of Down and Out in Paris and London, Eric Arthur Blair adopted the nom de plume George Orwell. In a letter to Moore (dated 15 November) he left the choice of pseudonym to him and to publisher Victor Gollancz. Four days later, he wrote to Moore, suggesting these pseudonyms: P. S. Burton (a tramping name), Kenneth Miles, George Orwell, and H. Lewis Allways.[5]
As a writer, George Orwell drew upon his life as a teacher and on life in Southwold for the novel A Clergyman's Daughter (1935), written in 1934 at his parents' house after sickness and parental urging forced his foregoing the teaching life. From late 1934 to early 1936 he was a part-time assistant in the Booklover's Corner, a second-hand bookshop in Hampstead. Having led a lonely, solitary existence, he wanted to enjoy the company of young writers; Hampstead was an intellectual's town with many houses offering cheap bedsit rooms. Those experiences germinated into the novel Keep the Aspidistra Flying (1936).
The Road to Wigan Pier
In early 1936, Victor Gollancz, of the Left Book Club, commissioned George Orwell to write an account of working class poverty in economically depressed northern England. His account, The Road to Wigan Pier was published in 1937. Orwell did his leg-and-homework as a social reporter: he gained entry to many houses in Wigan to see how people lived; took systematic notes of housing conditions and wages earned; and spent days in the local public library consulting public health records and reports on mine working conditions.
The first half of The Road to Wigan Pier documents his social investigations of Lancashire and Yorkshire. It begins with an evocative description of working life in the coal mines. The second half is a long essay of his upbringing, and the development of his political conscience, including a denunciation of the Left's irresponsible elements. Publisher Gollancz feared the second half would offend Left Book Club readers; he inserted a mollifying preface to the book while Orwell was in Spain.
Soon after researching the The Road to Wigan Pier, George Orwell married Eileen O'Shaughnessy.
The Spanish Civil War, and Catalonia
In December 1936, Orwell went to Spain as a fighter for the Republican side in the Spanish Civil War that was provoked by Francisco Franco's Fascist uprising. In conversation with Philip Mairet, editor of New English Weekly, Orwell said: 'This fascism . . . somebody's got to stop it'. [6] To Orwell, liberty and democracy went together, guaranteeing, among other things, the freedom of the artist; the present capitalist civilization was corrupt, but fascism would be morally calamitous.
John McNair (1887–1968), quotes him: 'He then said that this [writing a book] was quite secondary, and [that] his main reason for coming was to fight against Fascism'. Orwell went alone; his wife, Eileen, joined him later. He joined the Independent Labour Party contingent, which consisted of some twenty-five Britons who had joined the militia of the Workers' Party of Marxist Unification (POUM - Partido Obrero de Unificación Marxista), a revolutionary communist party. The POUM, and the radical wing of the anarcho-syndicalist CNT (Catalonia's dominant left-wing force), believed General Franco could be defeated only if the Republic's working class overthrew capitalism — a position at fundamental odds with the Spanish Communist Party, and its allies, which (backed by Soviet arms and aid) argued for a coalition with the bourgeois parties to defeat the fascist Nationalists. After July 1936 there was profound social revolution in Catalonia, Aragón, and wherever the CNT was strong, an egalitarian spirit sympathetically described in Homage to Catalonia.
Fortuitously, Orwell joined the POUM, rather than the Communist International Brigades, but his experiences — especially his and Eileen's narrow escaping a June 1937 Communist purge in Barcelona — much increased his sympathies for the POUM, making him a life-long anti-Stalinist and firm believer in what he termed Democratic Socialism, socialism with free debate and free elections.
In combat, Orwell was shot through the neck and nearly killed. At first, he feared his voice would be reduced to a permanent, painful whisper; this was not to be so, though the injury affected his voice, giving it "a strange, compelling quietness". [7] He wrote in Homage to Catalonia that people frequently told him he was lucky to survive, but that he personally thought "it would be even luckier not to be hit at all".
George and Eileen Orwell then lived in Morocco for half a year so he could recover from his wound. In that time, he wrote Coming Up for Air, his last novel before World War II. It is the most English of his novels; alarums of war mingle with images of idyllic Thames-side Edwardian childhood of protagonist George Bowling. The novel is pessimistic; industrialism and capitalism have killed the best of Old England, and there were great, new external threats. In homely terms, Bowling posits the totalitarian hypotheses of Borkenau, Orwell, Silone and Koestler: "Old Hitler's something different. So's Joe Stalin. They aren't like these chaps in the old days who crucified people and chopped their heads off and so forth, just for the fun of it . . . They're something quite new — something that's never been heard of before".
World War II and Animal Farm
After the Spanish ordeal, and writing about it, Orwell's formation ended; his finest writing, best essays, and great fame lay ahead. In 1940, Orwell closed his Wallington house, and he and Eileen moved to No. 18 Dorset Chambers, Chagford Street, in the genteel Marylebone neighbourhood near Regent's Park, central London, Orwell supporting himself as a freelance reviewer for the New English Weekly (mainly), Time and Tide, and the New Statesman. Soon after the war began, he joined the Home Guard (and was awarded the "British Campaign Medals/Defence Medal") attending Tom Wintringham's home guard school and championing Wintringham's socialist vision for the Home Guard.
In 1941, Orwell worked for BBC's Eastern Service, supervising Indian broadcasts meant to stimulate India's war participation against the approaching Japanese army. About being a propagandist, he wrote of feeling like "an orange that's been trodden on by a very dirty boot". Still, he devoted much effort to the opportunity of working closely with the likes of T. S. Eliot, E. M. Forster, Mulk Raj Anand, and William Empson; the war-time Ministry of Information, at Senate House, University of London, inspired the Ministry of Truth in the novel Nineteen Eighty-Four.
Orwell's BBC resignation followed a report confirming his fears about the broadcasts: few Indians listened. He wanted to become a war correspondent, and was impatient to begin working on Animal Farm. Despite the good salary, he resigned from BBC in September 1943, and in November became literary editor of the left-wing weekly magazine Tribune, then edited by Aneurin Bevan and Jon Kimche (Kimche had been Box to Orwell's Cox when they were half-time assistants at the Booklover's Corner book shop in Hampstead, 1934–35). Orwell was on staff until early 1945, writing the regular column "As I Please". Anthony Powell and Malcolm Muggeridge had returned from overseas to finish the war in London; the three regularly lunched together at either the Bodega, off the Strand, or the Bourgogne, in Soho, sometimes joined by Julian Symons (then seemingly true disciple to Orwell) and David Astor, editor-owner of The Observer.
In 1944, Orwell finished the anti-Stalinist allegory Animal Farm published (Britain, 17 August 1945, U.S., 26 August 1946) to critical and popular success. Harcourt Brace Editor Frank Morley went to Britain soon after the war to learn what currently interested readers, clerking a week or so at the Cambridge book shop Bowes and Bowes. The first day, customers continually requested a sold-out book — the second impression of Animal Farm; on reading the shop's remaining copy, he went to London and bought the American publishing rights; the royalties were George Orwell's first, proper, adult income.
With Animal Farm at the printer's, with war's end in view, Orwell's desire to be in the thick of the action quickened. David Astor asked him to be the Observer war correspondent reporting the liberation of France and the early occupation of Germany; Orwell quit Tribune.
He and Astor were close; Astor is believed to be the model for the rich publisher in Keep the Aspidistra Flying; Orwell strongly influenced Astor's editorial policies. Astor died in 2001 and is buried in the grave beside Orwell's. Orwell never revealed his pen name, keeping his identity secret and thinking his work did not need a revealed author.
Nineteen Eighty-Four and final years
Orwell and his wife adopted a baby boy, Richard Horatio Blair, born in May 1944. Orwell was taken ill again in Cologne in spring 1945. While he was sick there, his wife died in Newcastle during an operation to remove a tumour. She had not told him about this operation due to concerns about the cost and the fact that she thought she would make a speedy recovery.
For the next four years Orwell mixed journalistic work — mainly for the Tribune, the Observer and the Manchester Evening News, though he also contributed to many small-circulation political and literary magazines — with writing his best-known work, Nineteen Eighty-Four, which was published in 1949. Originally, Orwell was undecided between titling the book The Last Man in Europe and Nineteen Eighty-Four but his publisher, Fredric Warburg, helped him choose. The title was not the year Orwell had initially intended. He first set his story in 1980, but, as the time taken to write the book dragged on (partly because of his illness), that was changed to 1982 and, later, to 1984.[8]
He wrote much of the novel while living at Barnhill,[9] a remote farmhouse on the island of Jura which lies in the Gulf stream off the west coast of Scotland. It was an abandoned farmhouse with outbuildings near to the northern end of the island, situated at the end of a five-mile (8 km), heavily rutted track from Ardlussa, where the laird, or landowner, Margaret Fletcher lived, and where the paved road, the only one on the island, came to an end.
In 1948, he co-edited a collection entitled British Pamphleteers with Reginald Reynolds.
In 1949, Orwell was approached by a friend, Celia Kirwan, who had just started working for a Foreign Office unit, the Information Research Department, which the Labour government had set up to publish anti-communist propaganda. He gave her a list of 37 writers and artists he considered to be unsuitable as IRD authors because of their pro-communist leanings. The list, not published until 2003, consists mainly of journalists (among them the editor of the New Statesman, Kingsley Martin) but also includes the actors Michael Redgrave and Charlie Chaplin. Orwell's motives for handing over the list are unclear, but the most likely explanation is the simplest: that he was helping a friend in a cause — anti-Stalinism — that they both supported. There is no indication that Orwell abandoned the democratic socialism that he consistently promoted in his later writings — or that he believed the writers he named should be suppressed. Orwell's list was also accurate: the people on it had all made pro-Soviet or pro-communist public pronouncements. In fact, one of the people on the list, Peter Smollett, the head of the Soviet section in the Ministry of Information, was later (after the opening of KGB archives) proven to be a Soviet agent, recruited by Kim Philby, and "almost certainly the person on whose advice the publisher Jonathan Cape turned down Animal Farm as an unhealthily anti-Soviet text", although Orwell was unaware of this.[10]
In October 1949, shortly before his death, he married Sonia Brownell. [11]
Death
Orwell died in London from tuberculosis, at the age of 46. [12] He was in and out of hospitals for the last three years of his life. Having requested burial in accordance with the Anglican rite, he was interred in All Saints' Churchyard, Sutton Courtenay, Oxfordshire with the simple epitaph: "Here lies Eric Arthur Blair, born June 25, 1903, died January 21, 1950"; no mention is made on the gravestone of his more famous pen-name. He had wanted to be buried in the graveyard of the closest church to wherever he happened to die, but the graveyards in central London had no space. Fearing that he might have to be cremated, against his wishes, his widow appealed to his friends to see if any of them knew of a church with space in its graveyard. Orwell's friend David Astor lived in Sutton Courtenay and negotiated with the vicar for Orwell to be buried there, although he had no connection with the village.
Orwell's son, Richard Blair, was raised by an aunt after his father's death. He maintains a low public profile, though he has occasionally given interviews about the few memories he has of his father. Blair worked for many years as an agricultural agent for the British government.
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